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Horrible chronic pain with multiple breakouts, depresion, dead end I can't do this anymore. I don't know what to do anymore, I feel as though I have lost already.
Is it be possible to suffer from depression and chronic pain separately, by coincidence? Because the two seem to feed each other, my own mind and body has literally turned against me.
I suffered 8 sports related concussion before I was twenty.
As it turns out I have several brain abnormalities, effects of which was multiplied by the concussions.
I am currently being treated for horrific, blinding frightening pain. I was given the MMP-I and was compared to the Beck depression test. Both concluded severe depression.
I am on 19 pills a day. Antidepressants, muscle relaxants, elavil, gravol (the pain can make me vomit when it gets bad) as well as a ton of morphine all day long.
The depression and chronic terrible pain have combined to form this hellish allegiance in my body. When I have prepared to cook dinner or something, and I get hit with a pain attack I often can't take it. It's not so much the pain, but the total despair and panic. Overwhelming hopelessness, fear of giving in. There is no way out, being attacked by your body and mind when you are most vulnerable. So desperate, so foggy headed. Taking morphine at high doses with other narcotics, neurontin and elavil (Anti-D & chronic pain relief) some help for the body, attacks my mind.
I can't control it, I can't "save up" for a party, or busy day.
Nothing works, morphine now maxed out, elavil seems to help, just started the neurontin, and it just knocks the "edge" of the constant pain but NOTHING HAS EVEN TOUCHED THE SPIKES! ICAN'T TAKE IT I CAN'T TAKE I CAN'T TAKE IT. I want to scream, I am shaking, I have no control over this, it has me. I am trapped. I have a family that I am leaning on, other than the generous disability I have I am of no value.......to my OWN FAMILY! I don't know what to do I don't know what to do? Help.
I will take any reasonable surgical risk....no...I am willing to take any risk. I cannot see the other side, I don't know how to get there. I have pursued the best care possible, Scripp's, UCLA medical, The "Neuro" in Montreal is next. But I feel like I am spinning my wheels. Each doctor wants his own tests. Delay delay, my life is draining away. If I don't catch it soon, I'm done. No way out.....I have never been here before. I always won, damn lucky, I used to be prepared. Now I my own body betrays me. How do I .......I think it is time to let go.
Chronic pain is one of the more common complains that a physician encounters. You are correct in stating that pain and depression may occur for different causes at the same time.
Though seperate they may exacerbate each other. Increased pain may decrease your energy and therefore become more depressed. When depression worsens, it may increase the intensity of the pain.
Fortunately you are following up with a physician.
You may benefit from a pain specialist. I understand you go to the best physicians, but avoid frequently changing physicians. This may become aggrevating for you and the your physician.
The list of new medications to treat pain are increasing.
Consider a therapist or a psychiatrist to help you cope with the pain, inorder to live a fuller life.
DON'T GIVE UP HOPE!
Have you tried any alternative/holistic treatments? I know a lot of people think they don't work but there is a substantial amount of evidence that things like accupuncture, chiropractic, and other holistics methods are successful in chronic pain management. Especially the acupunture. It can't hurt you to try and you can usually get in to see these kinds of practitioners much sooner than you can traditional medical specialists, so it wouldn't be a long wait to see if you can get some positive results. Good luck
I understand you are taking a lot of medication and are tired of it. The feeling of being unable to care for yourself is horrible. I hear you awfulizing a lot of your situation i.e. "I always won, damn lucky. I used to be prepared. Now I my own body betrays me. How do I .......I think it is time to let go." It sounds to me you are dewelling in the past and that is dangerous. I can almost hear you say "I'm not good enough.I have to be prefect and should feel better.If it has always been done a certain way, it has to continue to be that way." Yet, all these are faulty beliefs that we ourselves makeup. Thus, we need to change those lies and tell the truth.
We are all falliable human beings and we make mistakes and that's ok. Say this with me "Everything and everyone are exactly the way they are supposed to be; after all, it is a cause and effect world" (Gordon Stien). Your chronic pain is caused by the concussions you received from the sports you played.
Try relaxation techniques using imagery. I have tired this and it helps. Let yourself go and indulge in it, I know this will help you. In addition trying working on your thought process. Note that Thoughts cause feelings and feelings cause Action/Behavior (Thoughts->Feelings->Action). i.e change this thought " I feel as though I have lost already." to 'what I have tired has not worked and I will continue to seek further help.' This gives you hope which I think you have lost.
Seek professional mental health counseling/therapy. I believe that you can conquer your depression and the chronic pain can be minimized using the relaxation techniques. Good Luck and don't give up hope.
P.S. Don't "expect" for anyone to "fix" you because it will never happen. But, you and others can influence "change" in your ability to cope with your depression and chronic pain.
Please don't give up!!!!You didn't say if you had children but you said my family. Believe me your family wants you to be there no matter how you are. My mother lived in pain all her life, It seems like most of my memories of her are her in bed or on the couch sick, headaches, she has had about 15 surgery's throughout her life. As a little girl I would think this is it she is going to die this time, but she always made it one way or the other and I was always so happy she did. Now she is gone and I miss her so much even her sickness I would give anything to have her with me no matter how she feels. Try the things Elizabeth told you I also believe in those things. A psychiatrist really can help you cope if you haven't tried one DO! Have you ever tried not taking any pain medicine at all to see how it would be for you? If it dosen't help why take it. Maybe some of the depression would at least go away. Deal with one thing at a time.
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