Depression and BPD

My wife had recently had a severe shift in personality.  She showed many signs of depression for the past few months.  She has completely lost all self esteem and her sense of self.  She has had 3 miscarriages and is deathly fearful of losing another one.  Over this time, she started talking very frequently with a bi-sexual woman.  At that point, she started pulling back from me, questioning her own sexuality, and everything about her life.  We had a few arguments which were very intense.  She started accusing me a being mentally abusive (which I have explored in therapy to discover is simply not true).  We are now separated and she builds this image of me that I am an evil person and she cannot see the 13 years of happiness that we had.  She had become totally dependednt of this other woman (who lives 400 miles away) talking constantly on the phone and has admitted to having a sexual experience with her.  She is often irratable and downright rude and nasty to others especially when the subject of me comes up.  She is not physical or totally explosive.  Questions: can BPD develop as a result of a major depression?  Will it subside when the depression does (she refuses to admit anything is wrong with her blaming me instead for her actions).  How can I convey to her that I feel she may have a serious illness and needs treatment?  What can I do to help her see beyond black and white and see me for who I am, not who she perceives me to be?  There is a history of depression and mental illness in her family as well. Please help!

[HFHS M.D.-SW]

Dear Mark S,

You appear to be going through a rough situation with your wife.
It is especially difficult if the person you care about does not recognize your efforts to help them.

You are concerned if BPD (I'm assuming, borderline personality disorder) can be caused by depression.

In Borderline Personality Disorder the sufferer may present with mood swings (similar to but not as extreme as bipolar), impulsive behavior (spending sprees, substance abuse), self mutilating or suicidal behavior, difficulty maintaining longterm relationships, alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation, feelings of emptiness similar to depression.

From my understanding, depression does not cause a personality disorder, but may be a component of the disorder. Therefore symptoms of depression are found in borderline personality disorder.

From your discription of your wife, it is not clear if she suffers from borderline personality disorder.

I recommend addressing your concerns to your wife's physician and perhaps having a supportive role instead of an active role for now.

Best Wishes,


HFHS M.D.-SW