Depression...getting over many things

[Introspective]

Ok has to be  short =).  I am just now starting on wellbutrin but I havent yet found any therapist.  I am trying to get over a relationship so bad that it basically crushed me, but moron that I am I still love her...though it has been many months and she already moved on.  I instigate contact with her and she basically tears me up and tells me to go die...not the most compassionate person.  I cant understand why it ended up like that when the year and a half we were together she couldnt stop saying she loved me.   In any case my question
I would like to know if you have any ideas on where I could find some sort of low income solution to therapy.  I have a little money and i am currently paying for my own psychiatrist visits etc..but as I am not working due to being so depressed I am very hesitant to go out and try to find a good psychologist just to find out that I cant afford it.
As for the bad relationship thing...I dont know how to avoid wanting to talk to her.  I feel that I am scarred from this relationship and the 2 attempts I made at dating the females fell for me right away and I found that I couldnt get over the bad relationship so I had to end it.  I cant move on and i cant get over it !  Darn catch 22's.
1. Anyway...Any ideas on a way to find a good psychologist even though I wont be able to afford 100 dollars a session or even 50 would start to be difficult very quickly.
2. Taking Wellbutrin or any psychiatric medication how long would you say I should stay on it before I should expect some sort of results.  I believe I have been depressed a good deal of my life if that has any bearing.

[Jamesd]

How do you say goodbye to your psycholgist?
I've been seeing a psychologist for about 2 years.
I think I've gotten all I can out this type of therapy.
My psychologist likes to talk about his vacations, dinners and hobbies; mountainbiking and photography.  I think he gets more out the sessions than I do.  

Kind thanks for any suggestions.

Jamesd

[Jamesd]

How do you say goodbye to your psycholgist?
I've been seeing a psychologist for about 2 years.
I think I've gotten all I can out this type of therapy.
My psychologist likes to talk about his vacations, dinners and hobbies; mountainbiking and photography.  I think he gets more out the sessions than I do.  

Kind thanks for any suggestions.

Jamesd

[inter nos intra muros]

I have been searching but no luck yet. I will let you know if I do! I can't believe how hard it is to find one that is not just trying to sell products or other ****. Anyways, the search will continue. If you find one thats good post a message back please. What you went through sounds horrible, not to say I haven't been that depressed and all, but to be on a computer and have to deal with it, I don't know if I could handle that. Actually, when I am that depressed I don't even get never my computer, I shut everything out. But somehow I eventually manage to keep going.....maybe an angel is on my side somewhere in this tangled web my mind weaves.

[picklelady]

I haven't been able to find one either so let me knoe=w if you do. The only one I got in,some guy was committing suicide while we talked. We called 911 and they got him to the hospital. I never tried again!!

[inter nos intra muros]

Hi! Does anyone know where there are any chat rooms or other message boards where I can talk concerning many different ares of depression? I have read though most of the forums and haven't noticed any. I posted a message under Zypreza which list some of my problems, if anyone whats to know what I am talking about. Sometimes it just helps to get some things off my mind.
Thanks for any advice!

[Baadsie]

It is not an add it's an article from a website that I found that explains very well what caused the anxiety and depression in my children. I was only trying to help someone understand that their anxiety is probably caused by a physical problem that mimics mental problems.

[indyjo]

I can't believe that you are using this forum to post an ad. It is ridiculous!!!!!

[Baadsie]

Hypoglycemia can distort perceptions.
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Conquering Anxiety, Depression and Fatigue Without Drugs - the Role of Hypoglycemia
by Professor Joel H. Levitt
The Anxiety & Hypoglycemia Relief Institute
e-mail:***@****
voice-mail:212-479-7805
web-page: http://www.travelersonline.com/anxiety/

(For questions regarding anxiety & hypoglycemia and New York City
classes, contact Prof. Joel H. Levitt ***@****)

Stress is often blamed as the root cause for anxiety, depression and fatigue, but, although stress can make any problem worse, the source of such problems is often physical in nature. And hypoglycemia is one of the major physical causes.

This article covers the following:

What is Hypoglycemia? - the cause of hypoglycemia and its effects.

Typical Hypoglycemia Symptoms - the wide range of mental, emotional and physical symptoms.

Testing for Hypoglycemia - standard medical testing and why it is often unreliable.

The Solution to Hypoglycemia - a list of dietary and nutrient recommendations, with special notes and cautions.

Recommended Reading - books and other references that will give you a more complete understanding.

What is Hypoglycemia?

First of all, let's be clear on one major point - hypoglycemia is not a "disease" in that you either have it or don't, it is a condition, and, in most cases, it is fully reversible.

Some types of hypoglycemia are caused by a tumor or other physical damage to a gland. However, that is rare, and not the focus of this article. The more common type of hypoglycemia - called "functional," "reactive," or "fasting" - is your body's reaction to what you put in it.

Hypoglycemia is the body's inability to properly regulate blood sugar levels, causing the level of sugar in the blood to be too low or to fall too rapidly.

Blood sugar, in the form of glucose, is the basic fuel for all brain operation and physical activity, including muscular. If the available fuel is too inadequate, any marginal physical or mental system may start to shut down. In addition, the glandular imbalances that result, as the glands struggle to regulate the sugar level, cause their own symptoms - especially high adrenaline, which is usually perceived as anxiety or panic, but, in some cases, can lead to violence. (Am I saying this has something to do with domestic violence and street crime? YES! And there is expert congressional testimony to back this up.)

Here is a typical pattern:

1. You eat or drink excess sugar (the average American consumes well over 100 lbs/yr.).

2. The body releases insulin to put sugar into storage, but the insulin response is excessive (due to ADAPTATION and/or chromium deficiency).

3. About 2 hours later so much sugar has been put into storage that there is not enough left in the blood, and you get a low-blood-sugar emergency.

Symptoms such as weakness and mental fog begin.

4. The body responds to the emergency by dumping adrenaline into the system.

More symptoms follow from the high adrenaline, such as racing heart, anxiety, etc., etc., etc..

5. The roller coaster rises and falls in critical hormones, causing an unbalance in all the hormones and often resulting in ongoing symptoms.

Many Americans have hypoglycemia to a greater or less degree. The symptoms comprise a remarkably long list and range from mild discomfort to being completely incapacitated.


Typical Hypoglycemia Symptoms

Following is a list of symptoms I've drawn from multiple sources, plus my own observations. The list is long because symptoms result not only directly from low blood glucose but also from the glandular imbalances that result, especially high adrenaline. Only one or two symptoms may be present, but most often, you will find several.

Note that although I've listed mental and physical symptoms separately, they often overlap.

Mental Symptoms

Anxiety - ranging from constant worry to panic attacks.

Phobias - claustrophobia, agoraphobia, acrophobia, and so on. This is anxiety tied to a particular issue.

Nervousness

Restlessness

Irritability

Depression - especially with females

Violent outbursts - especially with males

Obsessive Compulsive Behavior

Forgetfulness - this may just be choline/inositol deficiency.

Inability to concentrate

Unsocial, Asocial, Anti-Social behavior

Crying spells

Nightmares & night terrors - terror can continue after you wake up. It is especially indicative of hypoglycemia if you wake in a cold sweat, if the terror continues, if there is pressure on the chest, or if you are unable to breathe.

Physical Symptoms

Headaches - especially if a meal is missed.

Tachycardia - racing pulse due to high adrenaline.

Fatigue, weakness, "rubbery" legs.

Tremor or trembling of arm, leg, or whole body (outside or inside)

Twitching, jerking, or cramping of a leg muscle - cramping may be just calcium or magnesium deficiency or food allergy response.

Waking after 2-3 hrs sleep

Tinnitus - ringing in the ear, due to high insulin in about 70 % of tinnitus cases.

Abnormal weight - too high or too low.

Compulsive craving for sweets, colas, coffee, alcohol

Lack of appetite

A diagnosis of "mitral valve prolapse"  

Crawling sensations on skin

Fainting  

Blurred vision

Smothering spells - gasping for breath

Red blotches on skin or circular arcs of red skin

Lack of sexual drive

Chest pain - severe, but EKG normal.

Can't tolerate bright light or loud sounds

Joint pains

Another clue is that the symptoms are usually worse in the early morning after waking, and get better after being up and around a full day.

It's a remarkably long list and for very good reasons!

Many of the above symptoms can be found in the standard PDR
(Physician's Desk Reference) as the typical expected side effects
for a NORMAL HEALTHY person given an injection of adrenaline
(alternate name epinephrine).

Why should anyone not injected with adrenaline have such symptoms? To understand what is going on, we have to understand how humans have been designed to survive emergencies. Suppose you meet a tiger on the road. What happens? Immediately an emergency situation is detected and the adrenal gland dumps adrenaline. The adrenaline prepares you for vigorous
muscular activity. It brings sugar out of storage for muscular action. It raises the heart rate so your blood circulates faster and turns off digestion. You are now prepared for FIGHT or FLIGHT.

Some people will fight, their adrenaline response will be ANGER, most people will run, their adrenaline response is felt as FEAR.

In most cases, the simplest WORKING DEFINITION OF ANXIETY is the way you perceive HIGH ADRENALINE. If adrenaline is moderately high for too long a time, people feel anxious and wonder why. This is called "free-floating " anxiety.

If, on the other hand, adrenaline shoots up to a very high value rapidly, and
then decreases rapidly, the anxiety is brief but intense. This is called a "panic attack." If you regularly pick a particular thing to tie the anxiety to, such as high places, that's called a "phobia." What's the problem? What's wrong with the life-saving response to a tiger on the road?

The human body, because it's a wonderful self-adjusting system has a mechanism called ADAPTATION. If you repeatedly have emergencies the body learns to dump larger and larger amounts of adrenaline at the slightest hint of an emergency. The adrenal gland puts out about 60 different hormones- repeated requests for adrenaline dumps will affect all the others.

A hair-trigger adrenaline response is not what you want in modern life. What happens in modern life is that several times a day many people have low-blood-sugar emergencies. This leads to adrenaline dumping and ANXIETY, it also leads to hormonal imbalances.

NORMAL SUGAR PROCESSING: Eat food including sugar; pancreas
releases insulin; insulin puts excess sugar into storage for use later.

"REACTIVE HYPOGLYCEMIC" PROCESSING: Consume excessive sugar food
or beverage; pancreas dumps excess insulin (remember ADAPTION);
About two hours later blood sugar crashes to emergency level; adrenal
gland dumps excess adrenaline (remember ADAPTION); RESULT=ANXIETY
and HORMONAL IMBALANCE

The saving grace is that hypoglycemia, even early-stage diabetes when the pancreas starts to give up, is fully reversible with diet and nutritional supplements.

Testing for Hypoglycemia

Standard medical testing for hypoglycemia is the Glucose Tolerance Test (GTT). The person being tested is required to fast for 12 hours, then have a drink with a super-high sugar content - a disaster plan for someone with hypoglycemia. The blood is then tested every 30 minutes, for 6 hours. Unfortunately, the test is unreliable as it is frequently done in an inadequate way or is misinterpreted.

The most frequent problems with the GTT are:

The test is run for less than 6 hours - a 3 -hour test certainly can't catch a drop at the 5.5 hour point).

The test measures glucose level but fails to measure insulin and adrenaline - your blood sugar may be holding up because your adrenal gland is dumping huge amounts of adrenaline. Glucose alone can't tell the full story.

The symptoms are not carefully observed during the test - the classic story is of a man who went for his test, drank the sugar solution, became violent, and smashed the furniture in the waiting room. Upon leaving, he was given a bill for the furniture, and a test stamped "normal!" His glucose level didn't go below the level that lab used as an absolute criterion! If you become violent during the test, or faint, or break out in a cold sweat and start shaking you have FAILED the test REGARDLESS of the NUMBERS!

The rate of drop in blood sugar is ignored - the lowest glucose level is important, but the rate of drop is just as important. Falling too rapidly from high-normal to low-normal represents poor regulation and will give symptoms.

Because of the above testing problems, hypoglycemia is best diagnosed by its symptoms.

The Solution to Hypoglycemia

To reverse the condition, the glands must be allowed to recover. This is done by eliminating all foods and beverages that deliver sugar rapidly. Thus the cure for "low blood sugar" is to AVOID sugar and simple carbohydrates, like white wheat flour, that convert rapidly into sugar.

Stress, of course, makes all problems worse. And if you can eliminate all stress - fine. But, realistically, it is much easier to simply control what you consume.

My recommendations for handling hypoglycemia consist of diet, and nutritional supplements. There are also excellent full-length books available in the Recommended Books list at the end of this article. I especially recommend books 1 and 2.


Dietary Recommendations
Best foods to eat
raw vegetables
raw mixed salad greens
seeds and nuts (not peanuts)
fish

Next best
cooked vegetables
cooked greens (Collard greens, Mustard greens, Spinach etc.)
organic eggs (hardboiled for safety)
turkey
organic beefliver
organic beef
beans
whole grains (one at a time)

Best snack
carry seeds & nuts.

Best beverages
Freshly made vegetable juices. Most hypoglycemics should probably limit carrots in juice form to about 1/day or less, as a sweetener for other veggies.

Spring or filtered water.

Herbal tea - from one or two herbs, not "naturally flavored" blends.

Worst food ingredients

The packaging for some foods can be misleading. For example, many packages will say "Sugar Free." However, if you read the ingredients, you will find types of sweeteners just as harmful. Therefore, it is important to read all labels carefully.

Hypoglycemics should avoid the following:

Sugar - this includes sucrose, fructose, raw sugar (sugar + dirt), brown sugar (sugar, dyed brown), corn syrup, "dried cane juice", "raisin juice" etc., molasses, malt, malted barley, even maple syrup and honey.

Hydrogenated and partially hydrogenated oils - including vegetable shortening and margarine. These are hormone imbalancers.

White wheat flour and white rice - nutrients that prevent heart disease & cancer are removed from these products to give longer shelf life. Fiber is also removed, therefore the starch rapidly converts to sugar.

Peanuts & Corn - high mold sources which tax the immune system.

Special Notes and Cautions About Diet

The above list represents my personal current opinion, and is periodically modified. Consideration was given both to the influence on sugar metabolism, and on general health. Many foods not listed above as best or worst can be eaten in moderation, assuming of course that you are not allergic to them. Additionally, the following factors need to be observed

Organic Foods
If you can't get "organic" foods, use non-organic foods less often.

Vegetarians
If you are a vegetarian, of course eliminate animal foods. The vegetarian route requires more knowledge and more work; but I currently believe that, in the long run, it gives the best health in most cases - for hypoglycemics as well as "normals."

Food Allergies
Food allergy and reactive hypoglycemia frequently go hand in hand. If you are allergic to one or more of the best foods, then they are not acceptable for you.

Individual food allergies must be carefully considered with any restrictive diet. For example, a grain-based diet can be a disaster for someone with grain allergies, even if the carbohydrate level can be tolerated. Another example is eggs, which are a common allergen.

To find out what you are allergic to is a gradual process of learning which involves primarily selective elimination, for at least 5 days, with careful observation of symptoms.

Likes and Dislikes
I also believe that you must be reasonably comfortable with your food choices to assimilate the food properly, i.e. foods you hate won't make a good diet for you.

Beware of Liquids Containing Sugar
Liquids containing sugar deliver sugar to the body too rapidly. In addition to obvious disasters such as sodas, colas, sweetened coffee (a double whammy if caffeine is present), and alcohol (behaves like liquid sugar), you should also AVOID FRUIT JUICES (an exception is grapefruit which can usually be tolerated in moderation, perhaps 4 oz./day)

AVOID SKIM MILK. Milk would be O.K. for hypoglycemics, but a harmful enzyme, Xanthine Oxidase, makes it a bad choice for all. Consider instead organic yogurt, from whole milk, NOT skim or low-fat. The harmful enzyme Xanthine Oxidase is de-activated when yogurt and cheeses are made.

Avoid Artificial Sweeteners
Artificial sweeteners have been a major American health disaster, especially aspartame, and should not even be considered as a substitute for sugar. They make recovery for hypoglycemics much more difficult and are a major health hazard.
Nutrient Recommendations
The most important of the supplements are high level vitamin C - which is the primary support for the adrenal gland - and a good multiple formula containing chromium.

Vitamin C
The best type of vitamin C, and the easiest to take in my opinion, is POWDERED Vitamin C (Ascorbic Acid).

I recommend Allergy Research (Willner stock # 10004), or Freeda (C PWD "Dull"- Willner stock # 14267, 4 oz & # 14268 16 oz).

Solgar Vitamin C Crystals do not dissolve as well but are still effective, and widely available.

The dosage depends on how serious your symptoms are. A general guideline for most people having uncomfortable symptoms would be 10 grams (10,000 milligrams) per day. A level teaspoon of powder or crystals gives about 4 grams, a heaping teaspoon 5 grams. Therefore two heaping teaspoons per day would give 10 grams. This should be split into two or more servings at different times during the day, preferably with meals. If you are not used to these levels, start with less and work up over a few days. An extra teaspoon can always be taken if you start to feel bad - indigestion, a headache, dizzy, a panic attack starting, etc.

The Multiple Formula
The multiple formula I recommend is Twinlab Maxilife Co-Q10 Formula, Multiple Vitamin/Mineral/Antioxidant capsules. This formula contains about 28 nutrients, including vitamins, minerals, anti-oxidants. The mineral content, and the Vitamin C content, is not significant but most vitamins and anti-oxidants are well supplied if the manufacturer-recommended dose of 4 capsules /day is taken (with meals).

The contents of 4 capsules are:

Coenzyme Q10 30 mg.
Dry Vitamin A Acetate 5000 IU
Dry Vitamin D-3 200 IU
Dry Beta Carotene 25000 IU
Dry Vitamin E (d-alpha tocopheryl succinate) 400 IU
Vitamin C 1 gram (1000 mg)
Ascorbyl Palmitate (fat soluble Vit C- 42 mg as Vit C) 100 mg
Citrus Bioflavonoid Complex 100 mg
Vitamin B-1 25 mg
Vitamin B-2 25 mg
Vitamin B-6 75 mg
Vitamin B-3 (niacinamide form) 125 mg
Pantothenic Acid 100 mg
Vitamin B-12 [note mcg=microgram] 100 mcg
Folic Acid 800 mcg
Biotin 300 mcg
PABA 10 mg
Choline Bitartrate 225 mg
Inositol 100 mg
Calcium (from calcium carbonate & citrate) 50 mg
Magnesium (from magnesium aspartate & oxide) 100 mg

Note that the above amounts of calcium and magnesium are negligible. Also, carbonate & oxide are poor sources.

Potassium (from potassium chloride) 10 mg
Zinc (from chelated zinc citrate) 30 mg
Manganese(from chelated manganese gluconate) 5 mg
Copper(from coated chelated copper gluconate) 2 mg
Iodine (from potassium iodide) 150 mcg
Selenium (from yeast-free selenomethionine & selanate) 200 mcg
Chromium (from yeast-free trivalent chromium) 200 mcg

Note that chromium is IMPORTANT for sugar metabolism

Molybdenum (from natural molybdic acid) 250 mcg
L-Cysteine 250 mg
L-Methionine 100 mg
L-Glutathione 50 mg

Contains crystalline pure nutrients. No tablet binders, coatings,
or colorings. It is manufactured by Twin Laboratories Inc., Ronkonkoma NY 11779.

If you are currently taking a multiple, compare. Note especially the Co-Q10, chromium, selenium, and Vitamin E content. These are anti-oxidants. All anti-oxidants, including vitamin C, work together.

For vanadium, I currently recommend one Vanadyl Sulfate separate 7.5 mg tablet/day. This works with chromium to allow insulin to function properly, as it eliminates "insulin resistance." Adjust to taking chromium before starting the vanadium.

Other nutrients useful for reactive hypoglycemia and anxiety are:

magnesium (chelated not oxide) - If you can swallow large tablets, the magnesium I recommend is Nature's Plus "Dyno-Mins" Magnesium. Four tablets give 1 gram (1000 milligram) of elemental magnesium per day. This is a natural tranquilizer (which also insures agains

[lucylucy]

Good Advice!

[lucylucy]

Good Advice!

[keeknap]

when i read your letters my heart was pounding because i know how intense your love is. i was 18 and madley in love with a 36 year old. i swore he was my soul mate. we had everything in common.suddenly, i developed an anxiety disorder of some sort and was imbarrased to let him see me shake . i was so self concience about this and at that time (1988 to 1999) the doctors wasnt explaining to me what a chemical imbalance was. they just kept telling me to see a psychiatrist and that, i thought, ment i was crazy and i thought the doctors were crazy. so for years i thought of nothing but him. whenever i thought
crazy thoughts like him dying i threw myself in the grave with him for i new i couldnt go on with out him till this day he never new why i broke up with him. he probably thought i was just too young and couldnt make up my mind and i know i hurt him. in one aspect, i think it would have been esier on me if we broke with him hating me then i can say screw you, but he loved me and i was so ashamed of my shaking problem so it was that much harder and had him at the tips of my fingers but only if they didnt shake. i thought of him every day and counted the days when i got better , then we would be together. many times i would still call him because i couldnt go on without hearing his voice. he was always so nice to me. even once in a while i would spend a night but thats as far as it could go because i was too afraid to go out to dinner with him or see his friends because of an overwhelming feeling of imbarrasement and fear would rush through my body. years went by and saw him less and less. but in my mind i thought when i got better we will finally be together. all i could think of was him. i didnt see living a life without him . so i wasnt really living , i was biding my time until that day. through those days i grew more and more depressed and wouldnt try to get help because i thought it was from just not being with him. and thought when that day comes i will be happy again. mean while i only did what i had to do to get by. i lived with family member to family member and didnt care much about myself or saving money because someday ill be with him. well, not that they are bad people but my family took advantage of me and i never had much money to spend on myself because i was always trying to help somebody pay their rent. but that was ok because someday he and i will be together. i skipped from job to job because i got boared easily and i was constantly trying new jobs also just to keep my spirits up with the feeling of something new. i figured i would find a good job and stick with it and ill be happy at it when he and i are together. meanwhile i became even more depress that i started to develope health problems from depression and anxiety. not to mention i let people walk all over me. i figured ill be stronger when he and i get back together because this isnt the real life im supposed to be living. so i didnt care about nothing. granit, i manage to get a GED and 1 semester of collage because my life long dream was to become a graphic artist. well, i new thats what i wanted to do but my thoughts were so overwhelmed with finding a doctor to take care of this odd shaking thing so he and i can get back together and i can go on with life. so i didnt go back to college. i wanted to find out what wrong with me first because i have plenty of time for collage. it was more important that i get back together with him. well, im 33 now and guess what i've accomplished? NOT A THING. i mannaged to controll my depression but now i have other crazy problems but ill spare you the details of them. i waisted so much of my life not to mention the grief i felt and the crying i did once a month for him for years. i think about friends i could have had. the happyness i could have felt. the fun i could of had by going out with friends. i could be a graphic artist today if only i could have been able to concentrate. if i could go back to be 18 again i would make dam sure my path wouldnt cross his. so from dwelling on him my whole life i became a very unhealthy person. no matter how rotton, how beautifull, how nice, how hot , how screwed up a person is, they are not worth waisting the only life you get to live on this planet. what makes them so worthy of sacrificing your precious life for them? do not let them robb you of your happyness if they dont care enough to talk to you and hold concern for your needs . i have a chemical imballance but that doesnt make me hate anyone that i would normaly care about or care about anyone i hate. if a person genuinly cares for you and has a problem, they will look to you for help because love is trust or they will ask you whats wrong because they will sense that your hurting. i can plainly see for me that he new i loved him by all the trying i did to keep intouch and he never once asked me why we parted. or if i was happy. i remember this all now. love is either there or not, there is nothing to figure out. im sorry if i sound rude. like i said , i know what that love feels like. god works in mysterious ways and maybe my burdens were ment for you to learn for the sake of your happyness. i am a strong person and a fighter and i know he picked me for these problems to make me stronger. and god knows that the most presious thing to me that i would want for myself is to be able to stand up for myself and even though that sounds so minor, its something i always wished for since i  was a child. i have more confidence with this anxiety than i ever did when i was more healthy. im not saying this was a great way to recieve it but my dignity is very important to me. some people are lucky if they found a love like we had/have and your extremely lucky if you find it twice and they love you just as much back and some people never find it at all. so its sad to say ,it didnt work out but now your in control to know the degree of love you want to go. dont let that depression beat you. and i promise you wont have to take medicine for long because your going to move on with your life and be happy. love hurts but the best medicine for that is to truely love yourself and do for yourself to make you happy because believe it or not , that feels better  than the love and energy your giving someone else. dont exaust yourself with that dranage. unless they love you back. only then will it balance out .   you can get free counciling from your local church. i hope i didnt upset you and if i did im sorry. your a beautiful and special person waiting to happen for someone.

[indyjo]

Does it really matter if she has a personality disorder or not? Are you trying to blame her for your break-up? Obviously things didn't work, regardless of what is wrong with her. You need to work on you, and let her deal with herself. Community mental health centers charge on a sliding scale. The state provides money to cover the costs of treatment. I would imagine that treatment at this type of facility would cost very little. Private practitioners however can charge a fourtune. The folks in community settings have lots of expertise and experience. Go talk to someone!!!!

[Introspective]

You know I really should have posted something differently... maybe somebody will continue reading this and give me some constructive suggestions.
I am finding that although I live almost 3000 miles away from my X, whom I havent seen since August, I still think about her daily...really often daily.
I know I can go online and read a message board where I know she posts about a game she plays.  Now i realize the intelligent thing to do would be to stay the hell away from anything that would remind me of her...but I cant seem to keep the willpower to do that when I get to thinking about her.
Ironically im taking Wellbutrin right now..only second week of it...and I cant fall asleep at 3 am because of the damn medicine.
I feel more active now, but that is because the damn drug is a stimulant and it forces me to be.  If I had my choice I would still sleep when depressed.
In any case...I have limited funds, very limited..but I need to deal with this somehow.  Getting a drug to help with depression wont do a darn thing for me if I keep going back and getting depressed again.
(On a side note she has since moved on and from what I have seen she is very happy...so this being my first meaningful relationship I cant really grasp that she could be happy with someone else after what we had...I can see the things I am supposed to do but not do them =()
Where should I look for help?  I have nobody close to me that I would ask, I screwed up and let her be everything, so when she moved on I had nothing left and nobody to talk to about it.

[lucylucy]

Um, okay... u are trying to figure HER out?  you say she's moved on.... why don't u quit trying to work her diagnosis out.. and try and think about yourself from now on.  What she has or doesn't have is inconsequencial is it not?  Or, do u believe it will help you to make sense of it all?  hmmm...

[Introspective]

I had questions about her and myself.  My narcissism question was just something I thought of by reading somebody elses post.  Living with her and loving her for that long if she has a problem it kind of makes me want to know if there is a solution.  The only problem with that is somebody with the symptoms listed for narcissism really wont want anyone to help because they wont admit to themselves that they have a problem.
Oh well =).  Thanks for the answers about my problems =).
I think I will just end up spending a lot of money on a psychologist vs pursuing low cost help, calling around it is very difficult to find in this area =(.

[lucylucy]

sorry I can't work out your post... who is this dianostic for? you or her?

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

You should expect results from Wellbutrin by the end of the second week, and getting better, and you should stay on it for as long as you need, until you feel well and function well.

Low cost therapy is hard to find but the place to start searching is a community mental health center in your home town or an outpatient center at a university medical center.

You can get some inexpensive help online by going t0 www.masteringstress.com.

[Rocksea]

In terms of your getting over the relationship, the BEST advice I can offer (having gone through this myself - thinking I would DIE from the pain) is to BUY and READ the Bruce Fisher book REBUILDING WHEN YOUR RELATIONSHIP ENDS. Then find out where you can attend the workshop that is based on this book. I attended the 12 week workshop twice. You will be with people going through exactly the same thing.  You will learn that you are NORMAL, and that you will heal.  You will identify where you are in the healing process and continue climbing the steps until you reach freedom. These workshops did much more for me than individual therapy . . .and it is affordable.  When you DO get over this relationship . . . and you WILL . . . you'll wonder what you ever saw in her. Believe me.  I've been there. Good luck.

[Introspective]

One last thing =).
Narcissist ?

I took this from a post further down...is this treatable?  This is my X about 99%.  
An all-pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behaviour), need for admiration or adulation and lack of empathy, usually beginning by early adulthood and present in various contexts. Five (or more) of the following criteria must be met:

1. Feels grandiose and self-important (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents to the point of lying, demands to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
Is obsessed with fantasies of unlimited success, fame, fearsome power or omnipotence, unequalled brilliance (the cerebral narcissist), bodily beauty or sexual performance (the somatic narcissist), or ideal, everlasting, all-conquering love or passion

2. Firmly convinced that he or she is unique and, being special, can only be understood by, should only be treated by, or associate with, other special or unique, or high-status people (or institutions)

3. Requires excessive admiration, adulation, attention and affirmation - or, failing that, wishes to be feared and to be notorious (narcissistic supply)

4. Feels entitled. Expects unreasonable or special and favorable priority treatment. Demands automatic and full compliance with his or her expectations
Is "interpersonally exploitative", i.e., uses others to achieve his or her own ends

5. Devoid of empathy. Is unable or unwilling to identify with or acknowledge the feelings and needs of others
Constantly envious of others or believes that they feel the same about him or her

6. Arrogant, haughty behaviours or attitudes coupled with rage when frustrated, contradicted, or confronted

Some of the language in the criteria above is based on or summarized from:

American Psychiatric Association. (2000). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders, fourth edition, Text Revision (DSM IV-TR). Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Association.

[Introspective]

After reading many of the posts about medications I have a very major concern.  this would amount to my third question I guess so...
3. I took acutane once upon a time, I didnt have to stay on this forever, it actually changed my body permanently so that I didnt have to stay on it after the 6 month period.  With anti depressants is this possible or am I looking at a life of pills?  I am the most anti drug person I know, I dont ever get sick, and even after a shoulder surgery I only took 2 of the pain pills to help sleep 2 nights then tossed them.  Am I going to be changing my body with these things or are they some sort of replacement that I am looking at taking forever?
(It is hard to fit these questions in at the psychiatrists office...only been once so far =))

[Introspective]

I know what I saw, and most of it was an illusion i superimposed hehe.  I thought things of her that werent true, as does she.  That post describing narcissism(sp) above your post describes her quite well, she had compassionate moments though...
In any case my problem is just that I cant get over it hehe =P, mixed with lots of other tragedies that struck right around the time of that relationship.  Thanks for responding though =).