I've been wondering this for a long while, and it was my family and fiance who brought it up. First I thought it was ridiculous, but now I can see what they mean. First of all, my mom and her dad are both Bipolar. My dad has depression and some type of anxiety disorder. He said he doesn't know what it's called but when he described it, I could relate really well b/c it sounded like me. The part that sticks out to me is the anger part. I've always had a had a temper, but my parents and I just thought it was normal, but it seems like the older I get, the more out of control it gets. Something else I've noticed is my dad's dislike to answer questions. When I was younger and was curious about something I would ask, and there were a lot of times where he wouldn't say anything. I never understood why he did that, but I just thought, "well, that's my dad". Now that I'm older I realize that I have the same problem. My fiance and I will find ourselves arguing about the fact that sometimes I just don't answer him. It sounds really bad right now because I have a hard time explaining thing, because when I'm reading over this it doesn't have the same effect and doesn't seem to cover everything, but that's another thing about my dad's disorder, is that he finds it extremely hard to explain things, which is why he didn't like to talk a lot I guess. It's kind of like the same thing with me. I've tried to explain this not-being-able-to-explain-things thing (confusing!) to my fiance and he can't really understand it completely. Finally I came up with a sort of metaphor for it; It's like a have this image of a pyramid in my head, and that's what I'm trying to explain, and then when it all comes out of my mouth, it's just a pile of bricks and it makes no sense then. Oh, that's another thing. For me to understand something, I've noticed, I have to have an example or a metaphor.
I would not worry about the diagnosis, it is really unimportant, but the things you are struggling with, are very important. You can get a lot of help and make real progress if you see a therapist. As you try to explain yourself in a conversation, you will begin to understand what is happening and what you can do about it..
Sweetie..take it from an older woman. I am 56 & was the hottest catch any man would have wanted a couple of decades ago. My point is this, baby - write it all down on paper. recompose it & give it to your man. You've got to OPEN UP then with a face-to-face. The results are going to rest your mind, because it is all out ont the table. If you think YOU have problems....girl - look at the problems your daddy had. Quit thinking of your selfish self & think about what THAT man had weighing on his shoulders! Have you EVER stopped & thanked God for the good life you got, girl? Then you better! Because listen to me...(1) Are YOU a perfect parent? Of course not....so WHY do think your parents should?could be? (2) Get off your damned pity pot & look thru your father's EYES, cause baby, they aren't gonna be there much longer. Do you think he's a good man? (3) Change everything that your parents did wrong by teaching your babies better by saying "I will never do to my babies what my mama or daddy did to me."...just be sure that you are right . The example that you are looking for is in your heart.It is everything you just said in you question. It is everything that you have always been searching for - for comfort, ease, freedom from mental anxiety, stress, decisions, ...baby girl - this is called LIFE. No body said everything is perfect, or fair, or that all justice prevails, but it is WONDERFUL! And tough, & sad, & I thank God every morning that I wake up, because kylie baby...I am dying. It has been a goood ride for me. Talk to the Man, baby girl..cause when you rock them grandbabies - life is good. God Bless You...Nana Patty
Not answering sounds like something my father would do. My father has these tendencies and when I spoke to my T about them she said it sounded like he was narcissistic. Possibly he has a hearing problem too. My Great, grandfather was the illegitimate son of a royal member and I think that sometimes leaves him feeling entitled. Or perhaps it is just arrogance and laziness??
When someone doesn't acknowledge me when I speak to them I can feel frustrated and invalidated. It also makes me feel worthless as a person.
I don't typically engage in conversation with my family anymore. I feel their behavior created barriers (and mine hasn't helped either).
This has probably been a combination of things and not just the not answering questions, etc. (Hearing my parents say they didn't care if I were dead. Having my father walk right past me on my birthday without even acknowledging me (and then giving my mother flowers)).
I personally think it's extremely rude to ignore other people while they are trying to engage you in conversation.
It kind of sounds like because you didn't have a lot of modeling in conversation that you are unable to describe your thoughts, feelings, experiences, etc.
The metaphor is a good one. Perhaps it is also symbolic of how you see the world or of how your internal world is structured. (Which could indicate a personality disorder).
I learn best with metaphors, analogies and teaching stories too.
Rather than avoiding conversation because it is difficult, and no doubt confusing and frustrating, try working through it.
I think describing things helps us to develop these skills too.
I also agree that talking things through with a T could be extremely beneficial.
I feel like I went about the wrong way of describing what I meant. Everyone focuses on my dad, when there are SO many details about my grandpa. My dad is the person who I believe and KNOW for a fact that I am most like. I never knew it for the longest time, but he will tell me about the disorder he is being medicated for and I cant help but to realize that it's been the same thing I've been dealing with for a long time! It's not in my head either. I've noticed my anger and other issues before anyone told me something was wrong. I'm tired of being told I don't know anything and that there is nothing wrong with me. The fact is, I have an anxiety disorder. It has been the fact since I was born, and it has been backed up by the fact that I have selective mutism. (look it up if you need to). Right now I just need to know what disorder it is that I have. I've read through quite a few of them but they don't apply. I just want to find out what it is I have that also sounds like what my dad has so I can please get the problem fixed! Thank you.
I think it might be helpful for you to try filling out an REBT self-help form. It might give you insight into your frustrations and how to change your internal dialogue. You can do it online or ask for a simple copy from your therapist. Here are the three common "Major Musts" or "Irrational Beliefs" according to REBT: 1) I must do well and win the approval of others or else I am no good. 2) Other people must do "the right thing" or else they are no good and deserve to be punished. 3) Life must be easy, without discomfort or inconvenience.
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