My husband and I have been married for only a short period of time. He is a great man and I love him very much. However, he has always been somewhat of a jealous person. After we got married it got worse. He is begining to scare me. He monitors my every move, I feel as if he is watching me all the time. He is constantly accusing me of having an affair with men that I work with. He involves my family, trying to convince them that he has wittnesses that will prove I cheat on him. I have never cheated on him, nor could I. Yet he still feels the need to search through my compter files, desk, notebooks, calanders, purse,etc. The funny thing is that he never finds anything that leads to that other than the fact that he has followed me on occasion without my knowing and found me going to lunch with a few guys from work. I have agreed to eat lunch in as I understand that he is uncomfortable with me going to lunch with men. When I was allowed to drive myself to work, he would check the mileage on the car, and I would get asked questions regarding where I went because I put "76 miles" on the car that day. Now since he feels convinced that I am having an affair with a co-worker he drives me to work 3 hours before I need to be there and picks me up. He was coming in and waiting for me to finish work, but my boss mentioned that he thought it was unproffesional. So now he waits outside for an hour and investigates my so called lovers car. He is jeopardizing my job, our lives together, and most importantly my sanity. I can't deal with this anymore. I love him and can't picture my life without him. He needs help and I don't know what to do. Please offer some advise.
It is unfortunate that your husband's jealousy is jeopardizing your emotional wellbeing, job, and marriage. However, it will be difficult, if not impossible, for me to give your husband a diagnosis, without evaluating him.
Paranoid personality disorder is characterized by long-standing suspiciousness and mistrust of people in general. Other criteria for the disorder include: suspicion, without sufficient basis, that others are exploiting, deceiving, or harming the person; recurrent suspicion, without justification, regarding fidelity of the person's spouse or sexual partner; preoccupation with unjustified doubts about the loyalty or trustworthiness of friends or associates; reluctance to confide in others because of unwarranted fear that the information will be used maliciously against the person; reading hidden, demeaning, or threatening meanings into harmless remarks or events; persistently bearing grudges, i.e., being unforgiving of insults, slights, or injuries; perception of attacks on the person's character or reputation that is not apparent to others, with quickness to react angrily.
In general, people with paranoid personality disorder have lifelong problems working and living with others, and commonly experience marital and occupational difficulties. Pathologically jealous spouses often have paranoid personality disorder. Psychotherapy is the treatment of choice. I urge you to discuss your husband's seeking evaluation by a mental health professional.
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