Fear of Groups

[GDJWB]

Our son is 21 years old and lives at home. He has completed 3 years of college but dropped out last year. He has been unable to hold a job for more than 3 months at at time.
He has trouble relating to people and is very uncomfortable in groups.
But yet the way he dresses make him stand out in a crowd.
Long hair, Black clothes, Dog collar jewelery etc.
He's happy most times in his room paiting or working on his computer. The room is full of books about Merlin and ancient worlds of the middle ages.
He has a steady girl friend who will graduate from College this spring.
He has his own car and we do provide gas and spending money of just $60.00 a week. He does cut the grass each week as his contribution.
He just does not like being around people! Other than his girlfriend he has only two other real friends. Both are goods kids with full time jobs and college degrees.
The both tell him to get a job and move out on his own.
His never been in trouble or involved in drugs. He has had a drug test and it was clean.
He's a very smart and talented child, but when challenged about work or his looks very quick to loose his temper.
Looking for suggestions.

Thanks

[chadster]

I have to disagree with most of the advice on this post.  This young man is obviously happy with his social life.  I'm not trying to be mean in saying this:  It seems that the only person that has the problem is Mom.  Mom, you've tested him for drugs and the test came back negative.  Some people just don't like to be around large crowds.  I would guess that this is a stage he will grow out of.  But I believe that if he is made to feel deviant about his social interaction practices, this will screw his psyche up.

Leave the poor guy alone!  He'll soon want to get a job and get out of his parents' home.  I bet he'll even go back to school and be a straight A student.

He sounds just like I was at his age.  I did work and went to school at the same time.  I graduated with a BA degree with a high GPA and I still work for the same corporation I did when I was 19.  I'll be 34 in a few months.

Make him keep up with his chores if he intends on paying his rent and getting allowance this way.  But, PLEASE, let him develop his social life the way he feels most comfortable with.  Friends and lovers can cause some people real problems (especially teenagers, when the hormones are raging through the body at different levels every hour).  Social development is the same as physical development.  We all differ at the speed in which we go through these changes.

Thanks for reading this.  chad

[NLP Master Practitioner]

hi there

I suggest that you see an NLP Practitioner in this regards and seek help.

Best Regards
Mohammad
***@****

[drock]

ask him he feels depressed or has high anxiety and actually wants to get out and do things but feels to much anxiety when he does if thats the case treatment is available. but it sounds to me like he has just gotten comfotable with the 60 dollars a week and has just become comfortable and  and doesnt have the motivation to get out and work because he figures he can leech off of his parents. which happens a lot with teenagers who are prolonging joining the working world in otherwords grow up maybe cutting his money off will forc him to work

[drock]

i think some people may have a fear of groups as in social anxiety disorder but some people may just not like  events or social gatherings and prefer intimate relationships with a few people. best bet would be to ask him if he is happy with the way he lives his life or its because of depression or anxiety. and the not wanting to get a job is probably just being lazy unless h has agoaphobia and doesnt like to lea the house the yu should seek treatment otherwise  cut off his allowance and see if he gets a job

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

Your son sounds like a wonderful young man, but he is stuck in his development.  He needs to challenge himself in the real world and not hide at home.  The best thing to do is encourage him to get counseling so he can see this himself and begin to overcome his social anxiety.

If you want, in a few days from now, I will have my book "transformation; growth and change in adult life" available at www. masteringstress.com.  There he can read about what is going on during this part of his life cycle, and what he has to do for himself in terms of psychological maturation.  He can also start some online counseling there, which will get him started in the right direction.