Female sexual disfuction

Doctor, my wife and I are having some problems sexually. I would like to know more about Female Sexual Arousal Disorder, Sexual Aversion Disorder, and Inhibited Sexual Desire. All three are closely linked to our specific problem, and I would like to find a means and methods way of fixing our problem.

Some specific background info for your use:
Ages : Me, 32 - Wife, 31

My wife and I are 1 year into marriage, but our problems have been steadily getting worse starting from 3 years back. We have known each other, and been sexually active for 4 years now. The first year was good (not spectacular), and getting worse as we go.
I assumed that our sexual relations would get better after marriage. This has not happened. I am not above suspicion that it could be my problem, but I do not have any physical abnormalities that would suggest this, and I have no libido problems. This suggests that it would be my wife's problem, either physically, or mentally. At this time, I would like to rule out any physical abnormalities within my wife that could be the cause to this problem. Ruling these out, I will then pursue any mental deficiencies, whether on my part, or my wife's.

Additionally, when we discuss this problem, my wife expresses that she has no "desire" to pursue sexual relations. When I pursue, we have normal sex (no kinky activities), she is physically aroused, but rarely achieves orgasm. She does not believe in touching herself sexually, and is listless in bed. This brings me to believe that she is pensive about this activity or sex in general. This does not explain why we had good relations in the past.

As I said, I need a place to start. Logically, the physical aspects of both our bodies will be easier and faster to rule out any abnormalities than our mental status. If you know of any past experiences with other couples that can direct us in a logical direction to start, please e-mail me.

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

At your age, it is rarely physical, but if you want to pursue that, your wife should see a gynecologist. I recommend that both of you go together and discuss this with a psychiatrist or psychologist who specializes in sexual dysfunction or couples therapy. It will be a good investment of your time and energy.

[Doggies4]

I may not be on target at all, but I will make a suggestion.....

Many women often lose their desire for sex with their partner because of issues that have nothing to do with sex.  I know because it happened with me and it has happened to many, many women that I know.  Often men leave all the household duties, taking care of children, etc. to the woman and after a full day of work she would like a little help.  Too, they sometimes are not treated with respect or love and they get very, very resentful.  This may not be your problem at all, but it wouldn't hurt to check on it....

[RainBow Child]

You must make a woman ready for Making Love. If by chance you hve been alittle slow in that department then think of Romance..
Start dating again, Open Doors for her. Treat her like she is Gold...You will see many differences.
My husband and i have been together sence 1994 and it just gets better. Always keep your relationship Fresh and new........hope this helps. Meds can also cause problems w/ sex.

[Misha]

My husband (44 years old ) and I (32 years old) have been together (both dating & married) for almost two years and enjoy a wonderful marriage.  My husband has a much higher libido than I do and wants to make love at least once a day or more.  I've communicated with him many time that I'm unable to have intercourse this often and don't enjoy it physically or emotionally as much as I used to.  We've tried just about everything from reading sexy stories to fantasizing and he seems to be the only one enjoying it.  I've been able to tolerate his high maintenance libido for this long, but wish it would slow down. Yes, resentment will begin to build unless both parties are enjoying the act.  Is there an herbal supplement or over-the-counter medicine that slows libido?  Everything on the market and much of the research I've encountered focuses on increasing libido...

[Julia_D]

Hi.  I'm sorry you're having this problem with your wife, but let me tell you, sex is entirely mental.  It's not your fault at all, don't fall into that modern-day trap that it's all the man's fault.  Your wife is psyching herself out completely and messing things up for you as well.  And she's not communicating at all.  I sympathize as this is very frustrating for you.  I say you should confront her and ask exactly what she thinks of sex ... was she raised a strict Christian, does she think she's a ***** if she likes it, does she think it's dirty, etc, etc  Then maybe she should see a therapist so you both won't have to suffer.  At least you'll know where you stand.

[ladybug31]

I am 31 and also experiencing a severe lack of interest in sex.  I could care less if I were to get it once a month.  I have been to the doctor and recently had Laproscopic surgery to see if I had any scarring or Endometreosis, as I was also having some pain and bleeding with intercourse.  I guess I know that alot of my lack of drive is mental, I just do not know how to correct the problem.  I am on Zoloft for depression and without it I cannot function (I take 100mg daily).  I do, however, have a great husband who is willing to wait for me to want to make love and he does not force the issue.  Even though once I "get the motor running" it all works out good, the real problem is just getting the engine to "turn over"