How should family members deal with a parent with somatic syndrome?

My question is, does attention discourage or encourage people with somatic issues?  Also, should my brothers and I continue to avoid telling my parents about illnesses in their own families so as to discourage competition with my mother, who we believe suffers from somatic problems?

Here is the background: 11 years ago my father lost his job, and my mother had to work as my father dealt with depression over
losing that job.  Less than a year after going back to work, my mother began suffering from "chronic fatigue syndrome." Basically, she had no energy, continually had colds, sinus infections, etc.  About two years after the CFS began, my parents moved south, my mom quit her job, and the CFS disappeared. A year or so after the move, she began working again, and soon began suffering panic attacks.  She would collapse as a result of the attacks (her blood pressure would drop dramatically) and ended up in the emergency room several times, once to stitch cuts she
received from a fall.  No cause for the attacks was identified.  During this time she started smoking again, after having quit over 15 years prior.  She told me she could not handle the job stress.

Following the panic attacks she developed problems with anaphylaxis.  She was  hospitalized twice due to anaphylaxis issues that developed into viral pneumonia.  No cause for the anaphylaxis or pneumonia was ever found.  She is on prednisone which has caused her to gain weight and have problems with cataracts. She eventually left her job.

Recently, she has complained of numbness and tingling in her hands.  She has seen a couple specialists who can't find a problem, although one said she "might" have some compressed vertabrae in her neck, but the MRI was inconclusive.

I am reluctant to believe she has a somatic problem, but my brothers and I have noticed she seems to relish the attention she gets from friends and family.  Also, she almost never acknowledges ailments other family members have.  She seems to "compete" with other family members when they have illnesses. She becomes very critical of suggestions that she stop smoking, change eating habits, and exercise.  Her favorite doctors are the ones that perform lots of tests and prescribe drugs. She has even suggested to us that one doctor told her absolutely not to exercise.

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

There are no easy answers to your question. I don't think talking about your illnesses or paying attention to your mother's complaints will make any difference.

It sounds like your mother is deeply into an illness defense as solution to her life problems, frustrations, disappointment with your father, and whatever else.

She may have some real somatic problems from time to time, but they have become so blended into her way of life it is difficult to sort out which is which.

It would be best if your mother would consider therapy,but it sounds like she would resist that suggestion strongly. Not much you can do to effect the outcome one way or another.