How to cope with Dementia in Loved Ones?

My maternal grandfather has been dealing with dementia for some time now, so we've noticed.  It started a few years ago with chemo and radiation treatment for cancer, the doctors told us he would be "out of it" and "loopy" and would be forgetful, etc., but we have realized that was the beginning of this awful disease.  We were told that he is in the last stage of it.  He is bed bound, and his kidneys and pancreas are shutting down.  We were told of the regressions my granddad will go through and I guess I'm wanting some help to understand.  My mother is an only child and me and brother are the only grandchildren.  Because of that me and my maternal grandparents are very close.  When my granddad sees me I am not who he sees.  Instead I am and a younger version of my mother and my 8 month old son is my brother to my granddad.  This breaks my heart because he does not know who I am and we were really close.  My grandmother wants me to visit often, but emotionally it's hard.  He looks at my mother in confusion, not knowing who she is, even though she refers to him as "dad".  We were told that he can regress to where he doesn't even know my grandmother and thinks he is living with strangers.  How do you cope with your loved ones not knowing who you are?  Putting him in a nursing home is not an option.  My grandmother wants him home.  We have around the clock sitters with him.  I guess I'm just really looking for some guidance.  Thanks, Kristy

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

You are facing the misery that so many millions of others are also facing. There is no easy answer...just something to bear, but you might get some comfort and tips from the organized support groups for alzheimer family members and caretakers.

[bluetray1]

Dementia like Alzheimers are both heartbreaking for all the family involved.
My sympathies go out to you.
Remember though that your grandmother wants him home and this probably is the best
thing for him especially since he's being cared for.
Take comfort in knowing that your grandmother has him home and it has to make her feel better knowing this. Be happy for your grandmother :)
Ofcourse it's hard and painful for you and your mother and all others, but put things into perspective if you can.
you want to make your grandfather as comfortable as possible and basically this is what is being done; i think he knows more than he may let on or knows more than he can express; we really don't know for sure, do we? Continue to talk with him in a way in which you always did before.
It's like when someone is in a coma; we're told to speak to them because it's believed they can hear you and it can give stimuli as well as comfort to the loved ones.
It's certainly not easy, but he is being loved which is the most important thing.
Take Care....

[Jaquta]

I think that putting it in the context of it being an illness may help.  This is not something that he is choosing to do.

Chemo can do that to a person.  People often refer to it as, chemo-brain.
I guess there is nothing to suggest that the diagnosis is wrong.  Depression, etc can sometimes mimic dementia.  Maybe the stress accelerated the progression of the illness??

Your grandfather sounds very sick.  I think that you should look deep within yourself.  Once your grandfather dies there is no turning the clock back.  Would you regret staying away if that is what you choose to do?

Your grandmother sounds very devoted.  It takes a lot of courage to do what she is doing.  It also sounds like she may be getting a lot of strength from her family.

Maybe talking about this as a family would help you all.  ??

It's a sad and difficult situation to be in.  It can be extremely beautiful too though.