I feel like I'm losing myself...

Posted by Sue W. on April 18, 1999 at 12:27:58
Hi,
I've been trying to self diagnose and heal myself for 3 yrs now to no avail, so when I ended up at the local crisis center. I agreed to pursue further psychotherapy.  I just wanted to list my symptoms to get someone's point of view as by what I've researched, it would seem to me that I possibly have multiple overlapping disorders.  
*extreme fatigue *general ill feeling *depression *anxiety and full blown panic attacks *I've become a lot more isolated *constant fear that death is upon me *unreal temper about totally rediculous things (such as; small let downs ..etc.) *was told at crisis center that I'm self-absorbed *can't think straight often *some days I'll wake up feeling as though it's a brand new day, a new life and nothing can get me down, I'll be incredibly patient, loving and nurturing of other people....only to wake up the next day to feel like I've returned to hell and the world is an evil ugly place *I dissociate quite often and feel as though things are unreal, like a dream or like it's not actually me living my life *Constantly worried about the future (ie. What would I do if my father or mother died?) I actually worry more about how I'll handle things because I feel to unstable now  *I worry excessively about my health and the health of those I love...to the point that it'll make me cry in bed at night  *Yet, on the other hand I have periods of months at a time in my life that nothing really matters and I disregard things and people to the point that I cheated on the only man who has ever truly loved me (who has since totally forgiven me) and I did it without a second thought to him, even though I love him more than anything in the world.  I'll disregard my health issues (diabetes w/minor complications) and go out and get extremely drunk, eat what I want, although I'm very strict with checking blood sugars and taking insulin when needed.  I'll feel like I can take on the world like all the control is in my hands yet I never do anything useful with this energy.....and then a few days later I can't even go down the street to the store by myself without suffering MAJOR anxiety. I can't look people in the eyes and have developed a very entrapping avoidance behaviour.
There's way more, but too much for a forum posting.  I know I'll benefit from psychiatric help (even though I question if that feeling doesn't come from those "take on the world" feelings.) What labels do I fall under? The lady told me she thinks I possibly have some sort of personality disorder....what are they? Is bipolar one of them?
Thanks for any insight and thanks Medhelp for your wonderful forums, I always recommend them.

Posted by HFHS M.D.-TB on April 26, 1999 at 14:02:49
Dear Sue,
You relay many different psychiatric symptoms and it is possible that you may suffer from multiple overlapping disorders.  Co-morbidity in psychiatry is the rule rather than the exception.  Although I do not have enough information to specifically diagnose your condition you may suffer from one or more of the
following disorders:
1.) You relay several symptoms of major depressive disorder, including fatigue, depression, thoughts(fear) of death and difficulty thinking straight.  Depression can also present with increased irritability which may result in an "unreal temper"
2.) Borderline personality disorder(BPD) is a pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affect and marked impulsivity developing by early adulthood.  Dissociative symptoms may be a symptom of borderline personality disorder, as is inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controllling anger.("unreal" temper)  In BPD, as noted above, there can also be affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood, which you also touch upon(mood swings).  
3.)  Bipolar disorder is a mood disorder characterized typically by episodes of depression(lows) and mania(highs).  During a manic episode, persons may have symptoms such as those you described-feeling that they can take on the world and increased energy.
4.)  Anxiety disorders may aslo explain some of your symptoms.  Constant worry may be a symptom of generalized anxiety disorder, one of the anxiety disorders which can manifest in physical symptoms such as restlessness, easily fatigued, difficulty concentrating, irritability, muscle tension and sleep disturbance.
It is positive that you have agreed to pursue psychotherapy, as it can be beneficial in all of these conditions.  Medication can also be of benefit in all of these conditions and should be considered.  I would recommend seeing a mental health professional who can accurately diagnose and treat your condition.  If you would like to see a mental health professional at Henry Ford Hospital, please call 1-248-689-7476.
I hope that this information has been helpful for you.  It is intended for educational purposes only and should not replace consultation with a physician.