MOTHER GONE NUTS - PART 2

my father is the perfect husband and father. i know alot of people say that but i am being 100% honest to the situation. he has done nothing but work hard, provide my mom and sister and i with EVERYTHING emotionally & superficially we could EVER want. he loves my mom and us more then anything and has NEVER done even the littest thing to make her act the way she acts (and i swear i am not being one sided on this). what happens is every 4-6 months she starts fights with him. she will follow him to the gym. she will check is phone and every time he is on it she is giving him dirty looks. she searches through his office and closet and everything he has. she is not computer literate and thinks hes "doing bad things" on the internet when in fact hes paying bills. it comes to the point where she just tortures him and our entire family by screaming and yelling and getting in his face and starting fights with all of us individually. its come to the point that with this last "epidode" (which usualy lasts a week or 2) my dad went to a lawyer and drew up divorce papers. then like always she will cry and beg and be on her best behavior and, since my dad does love her, we will all go back to acting like nothings wrong until it all happens again. weve begged her to get help, we all try to talk calmy, to show her how this is tearing apart our family...she doesnt listen and doesnt seem to care until everyones at their breaking point and my dads about to walk out. i know she really doesnt believe hes doing anything wrong. she is getting more and more nuts and we dont know what to do about it. she wont get help, but she needs to because my family has taken all we could. does anyone have a similar situation and if so what did you do about it???????????

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

The big issue here is getting her help. It sounds like you have tried everything. It also sounds like your mother might have a much more serious mental problem than ocd. The only other thing I can think of is a formal intervention.  There are people who specialize in creating a family intervention for substance abuse people.  Even though that is not the diagnosis , the techniques they use may be what will get her into professional treatment, which she defintely needs.

[Jaquta]

Personally, I don't think you're listening to your mother's story.  Perhaps her behavior is because nobody is listening and hearing what she is trying to say.  Sometimes one is not able to put words to experiences and emotions as they are pre-verbal.
Not being understood or validated by others can drive dysfunctional behaviors.

How can he be the perfect husband if instead of providing support he takes the easy option and sees a lawyer?  Based on what you write I wouldn't call that perfect.  I would call it cowardly or frustrated beyond belief.

Talking to her calmly when she is so distressed isn't likely to be very effective.

Usually strong boundaries and limits help with these behaviors.
Have her see a family physician or a psychiatrist.
Therapy may also help the situation.

I'm sorry I can't talk for longer.

J

[gmbm]

i appreciate your response. i guess it was hard to me to write everything thats occured over the last 10 years...my father (and my entire family) have tried talking to her together, and all individually. no marriage is perfect, but he has offered to seek counseling or therapy or anything to help with this behavior. every time something like that is even brought up - during a week of her episode or just a regular good day - she flips out saying were the nuts ones and just wont hear of it. again, she is never wrong and its everyone else. i wish there was a a way we could make her go speak with someone...we cry and beg and finally my dad thought seeing a lawyer would just be another tatic and it just getting more and more hopeless......

[zack32]

Sounds like OCD is not the only problem. It seems as if there is another underlining issue. Perhaps because of the OCD she may feel extremely  depressed. She may have  self confidence issues because of it that cause her to act out in other ways. (checking up on your Dad for example ). Has she ever had past experiences that may play apart in  her not trusting your father? (such as in her own family growing up) Just some thoughts, but I am not a doctor. I hope that things can change for her and your family.