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MY LIFE ***** AND I HATE IT
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MY LIFE ***** AND I HATE IT

I'm 17 and i'm always depressed, i think highly way too much about everything and it makes me crazy. Every time i see a really pretty skinny girl i get extrmemly sad and my myself even more. I live in a place that i have nothing to do, i have no motivation. i go to school and i've been failing two years so far, i have no future i live with my parents. i have ADHD but my parents dont want to help me, i have  hardcore depression i cant get help either, i use to be extrmemly bipolar and have anger management but i started to smoke weed everyday so that helped a lot. smoking is my only way of liking life. i fell in love with this one guy who i felt was using me, every other week he'd quit talking to me for a long amount of time then he'd start talking to me again, that was the worst part of depression i ever had. my birthday was just on thursday, he's in ohio at the moment, he didn't even tell me happy birthday. like everyone has something to look forward to yeah.. well the only thing i ever look forward to is him, and he doesn't even talk to me with out me talking to him first.. on christmas i bought him a 30 dollar **** and a bracelt, he went to seabring and never talked to me again till last month. my life just ***** and it always is. im bulemic because i dont want to be fat that just makes me even more self conscious and depressed. i feel like i have no friends, im ugly, fat, and i have no hobbies or motivation or nothing. i live in a ****** place with nothing to do for me, i want to move but my family doesnt i jhust want to start my life over but i cant. i just dont knwo what to do anymore i have nothng, no one, zip.
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242532_tn?1269553979
I am sorry to hear you are so very unhappy at home. You should get professional help but if that is not possible, then you can at least take some solace in your age..17..soon you'll be able to live and go where you want...but you should use this time to prepare your future...start doing some good work at school, start improving yourself....if you go to my website at www. myvirtualshrink.com, you can get a free 3 day trial that will start you on a self improvement pathway.
7 Comments
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1298802_tn?1272774525
everybodies have something 2 deal with..
no matter what u been trough in ur life..
u must not destroy ur life by doing something bad like smoke weed..
u still young n  have a long way to go..
and ur health are important..if u get sick it will be more difficult  for u..
at least u still alive..there a people out there who have 2 deal with a more difficulty
like cancer,poverty,war..u better appreciate ur life..
i know that only u could understand ur pain..
but this is the least i can do..
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Avatar_f_tn
Happy belated birthday!  

I'm sorry you feel so alone.

Are you able to access counselling through school?

The weed is not helpful for you and generally in the long-term it will make things more difficult for you.
Also, I don't expect you are fat or ugly.  Many people feel this way.  It is usually merely us distorting things.

Accessing Dr Gould's program could be a good start.
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Avatar_f_tn
Like the others said, you should quit the weed.  See if you can get some medication for the ADD, because it is not good to be failing school, and medicine will help big time, and with the motivation.  Also, when that starts helping you function in school and socially and in everyway, and it will give you a boost of self-esteem.

Start looking around for hobby/recreation ideas.  Drawing/painting, music, puzzles, computer games, biking, jogging/running, swimming, other sports, Girl Scouts, volunteering at nursing home/hospital/etc... there is loads of stuff to do out there and it will boost your self-esteem, help you realize you can do more than you ever thought, and you'll realize you are of worth in general and to others, and it helps you think more about others than always yourself and homelife.

God has made a big difference in my life.  Loving God, loving myself, then loving others.  This is what I live for, this is what moves me through the day and day to day.  Prayer can lift negative thinking, anxiety, worry, whatever and move you to a positive, loving place.

God bless you.
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Avatar_f_tn
Also, these stories are very inspiring:

http://www.cbn.com/700club/features/Amazing/
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Avatar_f_tn
Hi there. I'm so sorry you are feeling the way you feel. I know exactly how you are feeling. Your story seems like mine when I was younger. I did horrible in school, but I wasn't diagnosed with add until I was in college, which made high school very hard. I did summer school 2 years in a row, and had to go back an extra year to get the credits I needed to graduate. I wasn't going to at first, but realized that if I didn't get my diploma that I would be stuck in this town forever. Also, because my mother always said, you're not going to graduate, are you! I had to prove her wrong. The little town I live in has very little to do, and I ended up getting into more trouble from making my own fun. I also have severe depression that I still fight to this day but try to get the help I need. I also have bulimia that I've struggled with since I was about 16 or 17. You wont heal yourself of that until you decide you want to. And most of the time, people don't want to, because its something you can control and no one can make you get better. I have got there sometimes, but have yet to stay away from it.

Smoking weed, as you probably also know, can actually make your depression worse. If you read over everything you've said, you will see the exact opposite of what you are claiming weed does.You're obviously not happier. It might make you feel good for an hour or two, but you cant be on it all the time.

As for this guy, same thing goes. You are NOT happier because he is in your life, you are more depressed because of the way he treats you. He is doing absolutely nothing for you but making you feel worse. I believe you think you're in love with him, but in actuality your more in love with the idea of love and are attaching yourself to what you think is love.

If you read through your post, you will see that everything you want to change, you are blaming other people for not being able to do it. IE. You have ADHD but your parents wont help. You have severe depression, bipolar, anger, but you cant get help. You fall back on weed to make you feel better. Your depending on this guy who is treating you horrible to make you feel good, but he never has. You want to move, but you cant because your family doesn't want to. You have to stop placing these responsibilities on other people or things, and do it yourself. You are the only people who has control of your life. Once you take control of your life yourself, you will have so much self esteem and will realize how you deserve so much better the what you are giving yourself.

For school, go to your school counselor or a teacher you trust, and tell them your situation and tell them what you need, and they will be able to point you in the right direction. I live in a small city/town, but if you have connections to the internet, then you have a great start on finding options. Do a lot of research. Don't get stressed out because you cant find what you need. If you keep looking and asking questions you will eventually find what you need. Go to your government agency and see what they can do for you. I don't know where you live, so I cant help you there. You can make a hobby. Do you like photography? Do you like flowers? Do you like walking or riding bike. Drawing? Cooking? Even if you don't, go out and try it. You might surprise yourself and find something you are so good at and actually enjoy it. Try to get a job. If you don't feel like you can work on a schedule right now, try volunteering. It doesn't always pay, but it will give you something to do. I dont know what its like where you live, but you can try visiting the older folks in your community, maybe bringing something you made to them. All these things will take time to make you feel good about yourself, but you will love the feeling. I volunteered at the local recycling place. It was voluntering, but at the end of the month, we got a great check for 175 dollars (might have been more, but I cant remember) and that was a great thing to have.

So in the end, while you will need help getting some of the things you need done, you have to want it first, and be the one to get things rolling. Check into the mental health programs near you. Maybe in a neighboring town, or a bus trip away. They have a lot of programs that help out people with issues like yours. If you need any help, please let me know, and I will do what I can from where I am. But you have to help yourself first.

Happy Birthday by the way! And take care of yourself!
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Avatar_f_tn
OK, I just seen on your profile where you are from, and I looked up information, and there are so many things you can get involved in and places you can go to where you can get help from. I'll help you look, but I don't want to be wasting my time doing so if you aren't going to try. So its up to you.
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Avatar_f_tn
Medhelp just advertised this on the side bar.  It's something free and fun you could do right now.  Just an idea:

http://www.lumosity.com/brain-training
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