Mother/Son Boundary Issues

I have a dilemma. I have been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half, and we are quite serious. We spend every night together at his house, and include each other in all our social activities. He was raised solely by his mother after his father left following his birth.
His mother came to visit this weekend, and it has been a nightmare. She requested to have dinner with him alone her first night in town. He agreed, but waited until the night before her arrival to tell me.
I felt rejected and left out, and he and I discussed how disrespectful of my time it was to give me such late notice. I also feel it was rude of her to ask him to exclude me when we spend weekend nights as a couple. However, I also see that she would want time with her son alone, so I relented.
Since then we have spent time with the 3 of us together and also with my family, and his mother has pouted, thrown tantrums, and insisted on more time with her son without me present. She had a conveniently-timed emotional breakdown which resulted in my boyfriend spending 2 hours alone with her in her hotel room, and me sitting alone in the car. I feel like she is trying to sabotage our relationship, and her potential relationship with my family. I have no interest in a power play with his mother. How do I handle this -- what can I say to my boyfriend, and how do I deal with her?

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

It certainly sounds like you are taking a mature approach to what is obviously a very tricky, and unfortunately, common problem.  Your best approach is an honest full disclosure approach with your boyfriend, and if he has trouble understanding and working with this approach, schedule a few visits with a family therapist. This is an "ownership" and your boyfriend will be quite conflicted, so stay as understanding as you are as you work this throught.