My Mother Uses Me

I am 22 and my mom is 40. Recently I got divorced and moved in with my mom. But ever since the very first time rent was due I have paid it all. In February I got my tax refund and loaned my mom 700.00 which she has never paid back. I used what was left of my tax return to pay bills for March yet again with no help from my mother. When April came around i was broke.So I begged my ex husband and he sent me enough for that months bills and we managed to get by again. And now it is May. He sent me more money this month but since I am having my baby I had to buy everything I would need for the baby. So things were tight. And still my mom couldn't afford her share of the bils. So I paid them all and got baby stuff and was left with not very much. Then my mom asked me to borrow some money to get her nails done and get her prescriptions so I gave her 60. And yesterday she came home and asked for more and I blew up and kicked her out because I have absolutely no money left. So I am tired of supporting my mother. I feel like it should be her helping me because I dont have a job and am having my C-Section tomorrow and will have a new baby to take care of as well. Also I should mention my mom is a "swinger" and meets guys on the internet and sleeps with them here in my house. All she cares about is sex. The other day my boyfriends 15 year old sister stopped by and my mom gets on the computer looking at very graphic sexual pictures. She made no attempt to hide it either and now his sister is scared to come over anymore. Also a few days before, his other little sister was here watching a movie with me and my mom had a guy come over and went upstairs and was having really loud sex and she knew I had company. she didnt even bother to shut her door. I am so embarassed by her. And I ask where all her money goes and she has excuses but it doesn't seem right. I am afraid for me and the baby. What should I do?

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

You have a big problem and you need some real help...Have you tried talking with your father or some other relative.  There is no question that you should not be supporting your mother. Instead of giving in to what she wants, have you ever set her down and confronted her in a serious way, to set the proper limites.  Do you have a church or religious counselor who can intervene...or is there a clinic or social welfare organization that can arrange counseling support for you...do you have siblings or support for your upcoming birth?   Just some ideas to get you started....

[Jaquta]

You should worry about yourself and your baby.

Whose house is it?  Yours or your mothers?  You say you moved in with your mother yet it is also 'your' ("my") house.
If it is your house either set limits or boot her out.  If it is her house then leave.

Your mother shows a lack of good judgment.  It sounds like she may have underlying issues.

Good luck with surgery and the baby.

J

[minnewk]

Take care of you and your baby!!  That is the most important thing...live your own life!  It is hard to believe your own Mother would do these things to you.  My Mom is not as bad as yours but she is does not act Motherly sometimes either.  I am sorry for all of your pain but for the sake of your child move on and live your own life.  Let her deal with all of that other ****!  Your child should be # 1.  Good Luck!

M

[BB123232]

You and your mom have boundary issues.  You need to think about yourself and your baby right now.  Ask yourself, if you are not able to deal with this level of chaos, are you comfortable exposing your baby to it?