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My Wife is losing it, and I'm losing her.
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My Wife is losing it, and I'm losing her.

My wife is 40, and for the past 1.5 - 2- years, she has had mood swings which get steadily worse, frontal hair loss, she takes 275 excedrin in 1 month, has headaches constantly, seems to be nice and loving and normal for about ten days from 2 days from the end of her cycle, From that point, she is moody, nasty,tired all the time, doesn't do any housework, won't cook, has neck pain, facial hair growth, and sometimes appears that her eyes do not line up or look the same. One of her relatives says she is subject to " Moon Moods". She appears to have a strange attachment to her 17 yr old son, and can not function unless he is in her life, and close by. She is having trouble at work with concentration, and at home with the same things. Is this a condition, or some type of problem, or is it time for me to move on and forget her. We have only been married 3 yrs, and these problems are only getting worse. I love my wife, and want the best for her, but, she makes life very difficult, and with her behavior, she is taking me broke[ wont pay anything for her share of the bills} Sometimes I feel like I am married to a spoiled, deranged child, who will stop at nothing to get her way. Help please.
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Dear Lighthouse

The symptoms that your wife is experiencing
23 Comments
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Avatar_n_tn
Dear Sir,

You promised to love her in sickness and in health, for better or for worse.  Now do it.  Love her.  Having suffered for years with many of the symptoms caused by PMS, and chronic depression that went undiagnosed, I can tell you that the symptoms are real and that there is help for them.  I later found that all my symptoms were made worse by undiagnosed Multiple Sclerosis, which I am now able to manage.  My ex calls them my f...ing excuse, but it was the illness, not me, that put the strain on our marriage.  Check out PMS, menopause and depression. There is lots of information on this and other web sites.  You would not consider leaving if she had the flu, would you?  She can no more help her emotional reactions or the hair growth than she could help vomiting with the stomach flu.  Get the facts, and get her some medical help.  You will find your marriage the better for it.
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Avatar_n_tn
Thank you for your comment, I still want to be married, but she doesn't think anything is wrong with her, and won't seek help. How do you live with the illness with no hope of recovery. The mental damage as well as the financial, and now legal damage is unbearable. I Love her, no doubt, I will stand by her no matter what, but, first step is to seek help. I have been to therapy for anger, and was told by him that she needs help, and that if she doesn't get it, our marriage might not survive. that was a year ago. The problems are getting worse. If you have a solution, let's hear it, critiscm is self serving, and makes YOU feel better, but it does not change her condition, or find a way to help us.
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Avatar_n_tn
Sorry that you see criticism where none is intended.  I offered suggestions on some sites to visit for help.  There are treatments for mood swings, PMS, depression, etc.. and perhaps visiting these sites with her will give you both some insight into what may be going on.
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Avatar_n_tn
Sorry that you see criticism where none is intended.  I offered suggestions on some sites to visit for help.  There are treatments for mood swings, PMS, depression, etc.. and perhaps visiting these sites with her will give you both some insight into what may be going on.
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Avatar_n_tn
Sorry if you see criticism where none was intended.  I offered suggestions on possible sites where you both might find help.  There is treatment available for PMS, mood swings, depression, and visiting these sites with her might give you both some insight into what may be wrong.  Good luck to you both.
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Avatar_n_tn
Have you thought about joining a group such as Al-Anon? I think they might be able to give you some support or at least point you in that direction.

You have to remember to take care of yourself too. Maybe you can talk to her about getting help when she is in one of her loving moods. I had major ups and downs during my marriage and my husband (now my ex)was a saint who tried to help me. If the person you love does not want to seek help, you cannot do it for them nor can you carry the burden of their illness.

There are a lot of things that come to mind by what you are describing such as early menopause, depression, even a brain tumour (because of her headaches), eyes not lining up. Has she seen a doctor or a neurologist? Maybe the best way you could help her is to do some investigating for her.

Good luck to you.
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Avatar_n_tn
Lin, I agree, they need to try to get help and work on it.  I know this is totally off the topic, but I also had a scare with MS and can I ask how your Multiple sclerosis was found/diagnosed?  Thank you and good luck to everyone.
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Avatar_n_tn
Star, MS diagnosis can be a very frustrating and long procedure.  Mine went undiagnosed for 20 years.  I lost the hearing in one ear suddenly, and an MRI revealed scarring on the brain consistent with MS.  When that was found and a neurologist tallied up the other symptoms, finally 2 + 2 equaled 4.  However, not before the collapse of my marriage.  My now ex still calls the MS my f...ing excuse and does not see that the illness, not the person, was responsible for the mood swings, fatigue and behavioral changes.  Search on Multiple Sclerosis here and you will find much good information.  Good luck!
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Avatar_n_tn
We have been separated for about 12 days, she says she wants a divorce because it's the same stuff over and over again. She doesn't realize that the only one that hasn't been to seek help is her, and there must be something wrong with her job, marriage, family,and anyone else in the world that doesn't see it quite the same way as she does. I did not marry her for the short haul, I wish to pass away in my sleep lying next to her some forty odd years from now, but we need some help. She looks at any suggestion of seeking medical help as a personal attack. I don't mind saying that all of this makes me wonder if I'm ok myself, I spend countless hours in anguish over her, and never know what to expect next. The sep. was done by a sheriff because I demanded that she pay a certain bill as agreed, and she called the sheriff for spite. Now, with the help of lawyers, I am able to return home, but am afraid to, not knowing what to expect. I wish a Dr. would respond to this, and give me some clear concise methods to get her to seek help.  Also. for the duration of our marriage, she has been unable to let go of her ex-husband, calling him,  telling him what he ought to do about his life, and whatever else she feels she needs to be involved in. There is always more to a story, and this is the tip of the iceberg.
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Avatar_n_tn
Hey, please do not be offended by my comments, I am at wit's end, and am desperate for help. After talking with my wife, I discovered that she has scar tissue on her brain shown by an M.R.I. taken long before I ever met her. This all coincides with the symptoms you describe, Please tell me more, and how do you manage these conditions simultaneously?  I guess your ex became frustrated and ran out of Love and caring before the problem was brought under control. It can happen, I know, I feel abused daily after the tenth day, and wonder why I am sticking to her. She doesn't appear to want me, but, tells other people she loves me dearly, talk about confused, I feel like a truck at an 8 way intersection in the middle of nowhere where with no signs for directions. She has left me about twenty times in the past three years, but always comes back when the mood is ok again. She doesn't cheat on me, or drink, or use drugs that I know of, but she smokes, and uses caffiene and excedrin to great excess. Suggestions?
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Avatar_n_tn
I can only speak from my personal experience, not from a medical one, but she sounds like I was.  The MS flares during times of hormonal changes, i.e. monthly cycle and menopause. It causes extreme fatigue and irritability.  Mood swings make one depressed, irritable as well.  And mood swings accompany PMS and MS. Lack of serotinin in the brain is the main culprit, and this can be genetic.  I have chronic depression as well as MS. Financial irresponsibility is also a symptom of depression. Please search this site for all the information available on treatments.  I take med for the fatigue, and anti-depressant (Effexor), all of which help greatly.  But the biggest help has been knowing that the MS is at the root of the problem, and now I can manage the symptoms, like not pushing myself when I am under stress or fatigue.  I know to take breaks. And heat can make the symptoms worse.  When one is sick, two need help.  I hope you will get the help you need so you can be there for her.  The biggest hurt in my life is losing my life partner to something I did not ask to have.  I went to doctor after doctor who failed to correctly diagnose.  And denial can take over.  The sick person may blame anything and anyone rather than face the awful truth. Again, best of luck, and I am sure a doctor will answer once the weekend is past.   :)
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Avatar_n_tn
Be patient, the Docs rarely answer these questions on the weekend.
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Avatar_n_tn

Sounds to me like your wife has migraignes of some kind and has become addicted to Excedrin. Excedrin has the same ingrediant as Tylenol which can be toxic if taken in too high of doses. You may want to take her to an addiction psychiatrist and get her the correct medication she needs to solve her physical ailments that are probably the root of her mood problems.

Anyone that feels like **** every day is likely to have mood swings and be crabby. I know I sure am!!!!!!!
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Avatar_n_tn
If you share no children with this woman, lighthouse, my advice is - get the hell out as fast as you can.
Find a woman who will appreciate the loyal, caring aspects of your personality.

I struggled with similar problems from 1990 to 1996, pouring out my soul in love and concern to a woman I loved almost more than life. It was a long time before I caught on to the cyclic nature of her problem, always four or five days of heaven, then the craziest, selfishest, greediest, most irrational, threatening, demanding, distrusting human being you can imagine. Nothing her fault, every human being in the world maligned, envied, disparaged.

I thought I could heal her with love. I learned otherwise.

Now I've left, she has my little 8yr old daughter (with her two). This child is slowly being destroyed before my eyes, and I get abused at almost every contact. Words of crazy extreme love, crazy extreme hate. Words, words, words but never the tiniest act even of concern, let alone of the undying love for me she claims is still killing her. I sometimes fear it may all have been manipulative pretence from the beginning. I still love her of course, but by keeping away, I cut the stress on my daughter by about 3/4.

Get away while you still can. Doesn't matter if its medical, if she can't or won't get help. The proof of the pudding is in the eating.
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I hope things are improving for you.  I found this site you might want to contact. It is a support group for spouses trying to cope with chronic illness in their mate.

http://www.wellspouse.org/information.html
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Avatar_n_tn
Very Interesting comment by Peter, I think maybe he's lived what I am going through, his advice is honest, and is being considered with the other advice given. I at this point do not know which way to turn, she refuses to get help for fear that she will be committed, and I have assured her that no one is going to keep her anywhere against her will, not as long as I am breathing. She has made me promise not to bring up the subject for a month, in return she has agreed to take a middle of the road approach to everything in  her life for a month. Interesting experiment to say the least, people with a disorder can not control themselves, people with a bad behavior problem might be able to. Sounds like self diagnosis by elimination to me. I thank all of you who have responded to my call for help, and will keep you posted as to the results of my experiment. Lighthouse
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Avatar_n_tn
Don't rule out the THYROID!  Mine caused me huge problems throughout my whole body.  Your Thyroid controls every cell throughout your body.  See an Endrocronoligist who is a Thyroid expert, NOT a regular Dr.  Good Luck & God Bless!
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help me my wife is losing it i've been looking for a site like this for a long time i dont know what else to do bipolor runs in my wifes family and she wont seek advise from a professional she screams at the top of her lungs, throws stuff drags our little girl by the arm kicking and screaming  when she says she is leaving my and she walks out she wont even take the car cause if she did she wouldn't feal she caused a big enough sceene in the middle of winter. she doesn't have any friends cause they know how she is  if you introduce her to someone new she will act like the nicest person in the world and you cant help yo like her but then you get to know her and well that's when people stop liking her cause they know she is a phony her family cant stand her cause she is always starting **** just to be an ******* or cause she is a drama lover it's like every time someone in a soap opra has a breakup with there spouse she has to do yhe same i've been with her for 11 years and i didn't see it for the first three or four years it's like nothing was wrong at all everything was great once she turned 19 or 20 it came out her moods change so fast from the nicest person in the world to the meanest ignorant selfish ***** in the world when she gets into an argument with anyone she turns strait to me and says it's your fault even when she insults someone in there pressence on purpose she is constantly saying she is leaving me grabbing our seven year old girl who's mind is so fragile and sweat by the arm and dragging her out the door to walk down the road saying we are leaving your piece of **** father in the middle of the night cause she is fighting with her mom or my mom or my sister inlaw even if it has absolutely nothing to do with it one time she did this **** and i called 911 i told them she needs to see a doctor for depression cause she was threatning suicide and she dragged our child out the door about ten thirty at night my mom was there so was my grandma my step father and my aunt and uncle she was throwing stuff screaming at the top of her lungs cursing every other word that come out of her mouth she came back before the emt got there and started throwing stuff at me and anyone who tried to tell her she needed to see a doctor screaming and stuff  as soon as she saw the emt and the cops outside she acted as if nothing was wrong with her everyone there told the cops she needed to be commited to the hostpital that she needed to see a doctor she started crying we told the cops what happened that she just started freaking out and throwing stuff cause i was watching tv with my stepdad and my uncle and wasn't talking with her and the girls in the kitchen.she told them it was a lie that she didn't throw anything and wasn't screaming she just wanted me to spend time with her instead of them and the pigs believed that **** when my family stepped in and told the cops the truth she started freaking out right in front of the cops and they had to tell her to shuy her mouth or she was going to jail and said they cant take there statements cause they were my family and cause they might lie in my favor and the also said if they hear from us again they will take my little girl away so i got no help from anyone there seems to be nothing i can do for help so she still acts like that she will have times when she is in such a good mood that nothing can bring her down and it may last 5 minutes or five days but then for no reason she will start freaking out screaming and throwing things yelling at the little one cause she dont clean her room right or something like that c-mon she just turned seven and at least she tried **** she tells her quit being a ******* retard like your stupid cousin she rarely cooks anything for her i do it i take her to the store before school to get her something to eat cause her mom is almost always screaming about something in the morning even though she doesnt do anything.she cant have any friends cause once they realize that after you get to know her her personality changes cause she doesnt have to try to impress them anymore or something  she can be a super neat freak about everything but if one thing is out of place she will say what the hell who ****** with this or this isn't how i want it and when you say something like wellwait a minute and i'll fix it or something she will say nevermind it's already ****** up dont worry about it you ******* ******* and she will throw it or smash it or whatever then she will say get your ******* shoes on courtney we're leaving courtney will start crying and say but mom me and daddy are playing then my wife will say i said now screaming it at the top of her lungs get your ******* shoes on now and drag her out the door day or night it doesn't matter to her and the cops wont do anything about it i called 911 one time for help and they said if i do it again they will take my little girl away she is so fragile and shy it hurts me to see this i'm a 28 year old man never been in trouble with the law and the law wont help me so i come to you asking for some kind of help cause i dont know what else to do my little girl doen't deserve to be mentally and verbally abused by her mother her mother wont go see a doctor voluntarily cause she doesnt believe anything is wrong with her even when her mom and dad my mom and dad and every friend she has ever had and lost.all of the sister inlaws brother inlaws aunts and uncles everybody who has been around her for the last five or six years she says it's not her it's the other thirty people it has to be her own daughter hates her i constantly have to tell her at least once a day that honey mommy does love you she just has a bad day all the time dont hate her for it you should always love your mommy  i say look how mommy is to me and i still love her i just cant stand to be around her when she gets like this and she says me either daddy i love you . i tell her hey maybe you should try to cheer mommy up go give her a big hug and kiss and tell her you love her she went upstairs sat down by mommy as she went to kiss her she said mommy i love you. her mommy pushed her away and said get away from me you fuckin brat go back down and sit with your ******* dad.i said oh my god what r you doin to our child you ignorant pig she loves you and you treat her like this she was heart broken i held her all night and cried under my breath i cant believe someone would be so cold hearted to there own children i dont know what to do i'mafraid that when i go to iraq that my little girl is just gonna be destraught because i'm really all she has please help me someone
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203342_tn?1328740807
I'm so sorry you are going through this. The most important thing here is you need to protect your little girl. If I were you, I'd get a lawyer and try to get custody of your daughter. Start documenting everything. If you can without being detected, try to even tape record or video tape some of these scenes. Again, only if you can do so without being detected. Once she suspects what you're doing, she will turn the tables on you. You must do what you can to protect your child before she is scarred for life. She needs to understand that her mommy is sick and can't help herself. Make sure you reassure her over and over that it isn't her. Tell her what a wonderful little girl she is. Remind her that mommy is not well right now and that is why she is acting the way she is. You must keep her away from her as much as possible. Start today looking for a lawyer and go from there. Don't put this off. You have to do this for your little girl. Take care. I wish you the best.
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Avatar_n_tn
Thats been something i've been thinking about for some time now ,but i cant afford to get a lawyer.She has me in debt so bad that I cant even get a credit card anymore it's been hell i know she has bipolor cause it runs in her family, but she won't get help she says nothing is wrong if anyone even brings it up she freaks out she says we just want her on drugs. So i told her we just want you to see a doctor and let him make his own conclusion. he may not put you on anything he might say everyone else is the problem. ofcourse i know what the doctor will do i just want her to see a doctor so i'll tell her anything just to get her to go, but she wont so how do i get her to the doctor if she wont go willingly.thanks for listning.
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203342_tn?1328740807
You can't force her to go. She's an adult and she has to make that decision herself. I believe you can get legal advice on a contingency and pay as you're able. I'm sure there are plenty of lawyers who would work with you. Can you borrow the money from family members or anything? If your wife refuses help, then you must do what you can to protect your daughter and get her away from this damaging and potentially dangerous situation.
You might get more responses from people if you write in some of the other forums that are more active, like the abuse, anxiety, depression, or relationship forum. A lot of people don't come here because it's usually doctors who answer here. Take care.
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Avatar_n_tn
thanks for the advise i appreciate it
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Avatar_f_tn
I'm sorry to hear that anyone is going through this; however, I'm relieved I'm not alone. My wife and I have been together 5 years and married 3 of those. We have a two year old daughter, who is my heart and soul. I love my wife with more compassion than for myself. She has severe depression but I'm not sure that is all. Her great-grandmother committed suicide, her grandmother killed her husband, and her mother has cheated on her father. Obviously something genetic is going on. Its been going on so long that I'm beginning to believe its me. Even though the one time she's seen a psychologist, she was told she needed help. She decided to never go back instead. I want to show my love to my wife but I'm beginning to become fearful for her, my daughter, and my sake. I am at the verge of leaving and taking my daughter. I'm afraid if I do she'll hurt herself. Or if it goes to court that I would lose my daughter. I only want my wife to be happy. I love her so much but can't gain any ground. Please help.
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