My elderly mother's BPD symptoms are becoming more florid in front of my son...

Subject: My elderly mother's BPD symptoms are becoming more florid in front of my son...

Forum: The Mental Health Forum


My mother has suffered from borderline personality disorder for many years, and has been diagnosed with BPD, OCD and depression at various times, although she is in complete denial about this and has insisted that the diagnosis were false, or that the practicioner was incompetent.
My sister and I (both in or 40s) have learned to do "damage control" when she comes to visit our families and so far our children love her very much.  Especially when they are young, she is able to hold herself together more or less when with them.  But, they are growing older (my son is almost five, and my sister's children are school age).  As they develop stronger personalities, this is bringing out some of her symptoms.  In addition, she is now 80 years old, and the aging process is very hard for her.  There is a great deal of anger (rage) about her diminished energy level, and her various ailments.
She visited us recently, and for the first time in quite a while, had a transient paranoid/psychotic episode (not in the presence of my son, thank God).  There were other instances where her symptoms were more florid than usual.
She has made me promise over and over never to put her in a nursing home if she becomes unable to care for herself.  Obviously, I cannot have her live with us if her BPD symptoms (especially anger, paranoia, psychotic episodes, extreme mood swings) continue to get worse.  I know that she might be helped by medication and/or therapy, but in the past she has been totally resistant.  
Is there anything my sister and I can do to help her?  Would it be appropriate to share some of her history with her primary care physician?  The internist has no idea of my mother's emotional problems.  My mother said on this visit that she "puts on a great show" when she sees her doctor and the doctor thinks she is "just great."
If there is nothing we can do to get her into treatment, do you have any suggestions or resources for coping with her behaviours and helping our children to understand her disorder?
My sister and I have both had professional help over the years in terms of our own issues as children of a parent with BPD.  In addition, my sister is a clinical psychologist.  However, she lives and practices in another country.  And, as you probably know, it's a lot harder to know what to do if you are trying to deal with your mother than with a patient.
Any comments or suggestions would be much appreciated.
Many thanks for your time and interest.









Follow Ups:


Re: My elderly mother's BPD symptoms are becoming more florid in front of my son... HFHS M.D.-TB 4/17/1999
(2)

My elderly mother's BPD symptoms are becoming more florid in front of my son... Gretchen 4/29/1999
(1)

Re: My elderly mother's BPD symptoms are becoming more florid in front of my son... Rachel 5/06/1999
(0)