My mother is a bully it would seem

Grandmother, actually. But she raised me so same thing. I became mentally and physically disabled 6 years ago and had to move back in with her. I am 30 now and I have become more observant about peoples ways, I think she has to be in full control. See she will constnatly think of reasons to fight and put people down. If something isn't just right she will threaten to "cut off my internet" or cut off my cell phone. She did that all my life. "I'm turning this car around" while going on vacation. Well now that I get paid disability, she constantly complains how everyone leeches off her and she's just an old money bag. Yet when I offer her one of my checks every now and then she looks surprised (she cosntatly has accused me of being selfish ALL my life but i'm not) well when I offer her some money here or there for the house bills she won't take it.

I dunno, I guess I was just wondering if anyone has any advice of how to defeat her personality, if I have to keep living here and have no choice how can I over come her.

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

  You have already received some very good advice.  I would only add it is very difficult to change someone else's behavior but it can be done over a period of time but you have to be patient.  Not a matter of winning.  Your grandmother is who she is but a she sees your generosity repeated she will change her view of you and as you maturer she will also.  I'm showing her who you are.

[Jaquta]

I think the problem is that it has become a power struggle.
If you feel you need to defeat her then it sounds like you with the control issue.
I think you need to look at what is within your control.  What are you able to change?

Are you able to negotiate with her?  Find a point of interest for her and you have leverage.

If she raised you it is likely that you 'inherited' some of her tendencies.
It sounds like she has needs that aren't being fulfilled.

What does being selfish mean to your grandmother?  This seems to be an important issue for her.
I use to call my T a dictator.  Other than her not dealing with her own narcissistic wounds I think I did this because I felt I wasn't being listened too.  There was no flexibility.
What does selfishness mean?  It may mean you're too busy, etc to give her the care and attention she feels she needs.  Rather than say she feels x, y, z she is expressing it by saying you're selfish.  It could mean any number of things.  If you understand where this is coming from I expect her behavior and threats would improve and desist.

Many people use threats to change a persons behavior.  I don't think it is the healthiest or even most effective way to elicit change.

Has the situation not improved since you last wrote?