Would someone tell what to do?I can't seem to be happy at all in my life things always happen that make me miserable.I know that I am to blame for everything I do or say seems to always get me in trouble.My boyfriend has now left me because he found out I talked badly about him to a mutual friend.I did'nt even mean it.I was just shooting off at the mouth as usual.He says he can no longer trust me I love him so so much and now I think I've lost him.I'm about to lose my house and im not employed I have 2 kids.Im so unhappy with my life Im even more depressed because i feel i have no control over my life when things are good in my life i always seem to destroy it what is wrong with me.I had a pretty bad childhood my father abused me sexually verbally emotionally he beat my mother and made all of us feel not worthy.I don't think I can live without my boyfriend he was really the only thing in my life that made sense and I destroyed it.I drink all the time at least one bottle of wine a night and I cry.This is getting old to me I'm tired of living this way!I know that im dying a slow death if i don't do somthing about.I feel so alone and abdoned noone cares about me and I have no friends to talk to. HELP ME!!!!
Jasmine, your life situation is truly difficult, and you are right, the worst part is destroying what is good. Its a terrible pattern to carry around. It usually originates in the kind of past family life you described in which you internalize the message that you do not deserve a good life. When things are going well it makes you anxious instead of happy because you are waiting for your fate to happen...for it to be taken away. When that doesn't happen, you make it happen.
There are two things you can do. One is to see a therapist to help you recover from this pattern. It is doable.
A second starting point is A.A. You can't make any progress until you stop drinking. Also, there is tremendous support and friendship immediately from people who have gone through the same cycle. Try it today.
I think seeing a physicatrist would really help you out alot, You would have some one to talk to and brings your hopes up in the world, and if they think medication is neccissary they can try that, I would really take action immesiately before it escalades.
Jasmine, it appears as if your pain from your childhood has somewhat shrouded over the entirety of your life. Your pain is obviously real and very deep. It is positive however that you have reached out for help, however professional intervention definitely seems appropriate! As a mother of two children, your strength, and endurance will shine through on your children, you need to heal, and recapture your spirit, so that you and your children have healthy, productive, rich lives!
In addition to discussing your feelings/history with a good Psychiatrist, I would recommend seeing an Alternative Medicine doctor, first. You may have what is called "Wilson's Syndrome" (www.wilsonssyndrome.com), which has many of the symptoms you are describing. Find out what is causing your feelings before you allow a Psychiatrist to prescribe anti-depressants for you. Many people do not take the effort to do this and are sorry down the road. My prayers are with you. You will make it.
where there is a will there is a way
if you still want your boyfriend
create yourself into what he wants
It may take time
but who cares if you get the results
if theres a god
then he cares
vent out your emotions(but not against your children)
stick it out
cause after you get through this
you can get through anything
if alcohol gets you through
then take it but
try not to hurt yourself or your children
they are angels in your protection
no matter what has happened in the past
its still the past
and now is the presentNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LIVE YOUR LIFE FOR NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!
look for a job, any job
if you can make money from cleaning toilets...do that
if you don't like that and its demeaning
do something that you feel is appropriate
speak to someone from centrelink,someone in charge of family payments
they may be able to get you reduced accommodation
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