OCD and anxiety is destroying the onlything that ever mattered to me...

I first began experiencing symptoms of OCD after a severe bought of depression during my adolescence that also left me unable to physically cry for a number of years. I would obsess about the placement of objects. Constantly wash my hands. Feel that if I didn't perform certain tasks certain ways (repetition, choice ect.) .Something horrible would happen. For about 4 years in middle school and high school after an embarrassing incident when I had to evacuate the school bus to relieve myself (I got up late) I would experience the constant need to urinate at every opportunity I had when I was in a social situation with class mates. And not doing so would result in the physical feeling that I was going to wet myself. That bought suddenly ended in 12th grade for what reason I don't know. One day it was there. The next it wasn't. For the sake of keeping under the character limit I

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

What you have to do is work through these thought issues with a professional therapist.  There are many layers here, and you have already touched on most, so you have the starting insight, and with a little help you will be able to master this.

Part of the problem is that you have not met the flesh and blood person so you are only dealing with fantasy particles..web cam pictures, photos, etc.   Your obsessive thoughts reveal your fear that something about her might surprise you...you are preparing your defenses for a disappointment...etc.

[Try_to_be_social]

Your have OCD. You have OCD while you are progressing from one life stage to another, namely adolescence and courtship. Now you have OC intrusive images. You fight the images but in vain. You tried to convince yourself they are just negative thoughts but it was useless. As you attempted to over-think and find deeper meaning of them, the anxiety got worse into crying. This is not correct way of dealing with OC images and thoughts. Never fight back at the images. Never over-think your images. Never discover the deeper meaning of them. The OCD game should not be played as you thought. The OCD game should be played as if you are dealing an untamed huge dog. First, accept the dog

[AntiMatterVortex]

I'd like to thank you both for answering my very poorly writen question. It's very troubling to me and difficult for me to convey.

But your answers have basically confirmed what I already knew deep down. And it's very comforting to know that these thoughts aren

[mimmi]

Will you really be fine? Without any interventions and just your girl friend's support? You might be needing some professional help before it becomes chronic... Cognitive behavioral therapy would be great as the second letter said in conjuction with SSRI It sounded pretty severe from your first letter. Just a food for thought.