Ok I need some advice here..

About a year in a half ago I was a vollunteer patient in a mental health hospital for my condition with social phobia and because this made me dependent on my home and my mom I wanted to go there to learn to be able to be on my own and dependent for myself. Well I am a hypocondriact so being in the hospital with patients with other mental illnesses had taught me alot about skitzophrenia,paranoid disorders ect. Well about a week before I left the hospital a girl told me the hallucinations she was experiencing. well... guess what? that night I started getting the exact same hallucinations. This terrified me ofcourse and didnt make the fear of thinking I was crazy and I'd have to stay the rest of my life in an instituation or hospital any better. lol. The deal was I was aloud to go home every weekend on my own free will. This of course felt like my freedom because I was stuck in a hospital mental ward all the time. But eventually the therapist i was seeing there and psychiatrist wanted to make a plan that I had to wait to go home every two weeks. So of course I couldnt handle it. I missed home so much and I didnt feel they were helping me at all. So eventually I came across a thought that maybe they wanted me to become dependent on the hospital. This thought made me paranoid that I would have to stay there the rest of my life. An that brings on the fear that I might have paranoid personality disorder and that id be a danger to society.

Anyway, its a year later and I went for some neuropsychological testing and the results came back that I had underlying personality disorder such as avoidant personality disorder, I have also paranoid and borderline features. Ok Ok since I know nothing about these problems I keep thinking to myself that they mean I have some serious mental illness like skitzophrenia or something. Because Im a hypocondriact I make myself believe I have them. Im terrified and my self-esteem about myself due to this is soo low. Please give me some advice on how I can get rid of these obsessive thoughts that are making me believe I have something when I dont. And maybe understanding my mental issues would put some relief to myself too. What makes me real mad at myself is my therapist and psychologist who did the testing on me keeps reassuring me that Im fine and Im not a danger to society or have any serious mentla illness like skitzophrenia but yet these thoughts keep coming back.
I just need some help.

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

I am not sure, are you still in the hospital or are you at home being treated on an outpatient basis.   YOur therapist and psychologist are the most reliable ones to make the diagnosis so if they say you are not schizophrenic, you should listen to them.

Although they are probably right( and you probably think so as well) you have trouble believing it. That is the conflict you should ask them to help you with.

Most of the time when a person has these kind of worries they are a cover up for the real worry.  In your case, the real worry you seem to have is whether or not you can have a successful life as a grown up, and independent person.  That is also what you should focus on with your therapist.

HOpe this helps.

[keeknap]

sometime im not to sure about this forum md situation. you sound alot like an axiety disorder. you need to pull up axiety and there symptoms on the computer or in the library to teterman your problem. not every doctor had read the symptoms. they just say you need a therepist. i wrote alot about it in nicoles (am i going crazey or what?) i didnt go into specifics obout the mental thing that happens. with anxiety its also a depresion. ive experienced a feeling of unreality.
nervousness.
sever tension, i just cannot relax.
paranoia-people are wathing me
i get a strainge feeling and think im going nuts
or think im going to do something crazey or wierd in front of someone.
scared all the time.
fear of something going to happen.
feel like im going to get yelled at for something.
when im at a red light eventhough the light is green, i dont know if it really is or if its just my mind telling me it is.
people on the tv scared me.
dissyness.
extremely low self esteem.
everything annoys you.
you dont feel like you belong.
noone loves you.
your all alone.

tingling in the hands and feet. numbness also.
so one day a severe depression crept in and that was just as spookey with causing overwhelmingness to where you dont know what to do next on top of everthing else.
see a therepist with there own practice. or a center for stress reduction clinic not a hospital. psych centers freak me out.
you definately need therepy and a psychiatrist for the right meds. you need to be on an unaddictive drug. to work on straitening out the chemical imbalance. not a temporary fix like xanex. with anxiety most people experienc side affects but hang in there and try another. if you feel wierd for more than three days try something else. in my opinion there is a such thing as overmedicating so only take half first no matter the dose. and BE CAREFUL what you mix it with. buy a pill book or ask the pharmecist.  hope i helped. keeknapgodscool.com god bless

[keeknap]

ps you should probably stay away from mental patients unless you go to a group therepy. in therepy they know more of whats going on. by love.