Should I be Hospitalized?

Posted By LittleMs2ndBest on May 11, 1999 at 07:05:23
I am 18 years old (female) and have been Self-injurying for 2 years. I usually cut my arms with a razor blade or a scalpel. In the past I used to only cut once or twice a month and never deep. For the past 2 months I have been cutting everyday, most of them are quite deep. My arms were so cut up I had no room left to cut on them so i started cutting my stomach. Some of them have gotten infected. My parents found out and made me promise to stop. I did promise but I can't stop. I have also started burning myself and hitting my legs and arms with a hammer.
A month ago I slashed my wrist with a carving knife. I had to go to the ER and have an operation to reconnect the tendons I had severed. After this I was put on Prozac.
I SI because I am an evil person and I believe I have to punish myself. Maybe if I hurt myself enough in this life God will forgive me and I won't have to spend eternity in hell.
Recently I have started to realise I belong in hell and this life isn't enough of a punishment for me. I have been thinking about killing myself. I think about it everday. I will drink a bottle of vodka and get really drunk, then I will take all the sleeping tablets, painkillers, lithium and AD's in our medicine cabinet and then I will get in the bath and slit the inside of my thighs, my wrists and my neck.
The only reason I have not done this yet is because i Love my family and I don't want to hurt them. But I believe if they realise what a evil person I am they will want me dead too.
Anyway, my question is should I be hospitalized? I have an appointment with a psychatrist in a months time and I have promised myself I won't kill myself untill then. I am still self injuring nearly ever day. Will hospitalization help? If I tell the pdoc all this will they be obliged to hospitalize me? Or should I go ahead and kill myself and go meet the devil?










Follow Ups:


Re: Should I be Hospitalized? HFHS M.D.-SW 5/12/1999
(0)


Re: Should I be Hospitalized? Tabetha Rice 5/11/1999
(1)

Should I be Hospitalized? Sarah 5/26/1999
(0)