Someone please help me

I have suffered from magraine headaches for over 16 years.
Take lots of medicition.
Not at all happy with my marriage (marrried for over 22 years).  He's a doctor.
I have HMO insurance.
No one around me knows the pain I'm in.....everyone thinks I'm fine.  I hide my true feelings.
I help at my church; office manager....I had to quit my job because of the frequency of my migraine headaches.
My dad died in October 1988, My mom died in 1997.
I appear on the outside I'm  stronge and able to take care of matters that one else can.

For many years I have been lying to myself.  I'm not OK, I need help.
I want to go somewhere and also be able to stay there.  
I have panic attacks, anxiety, depression, short memory problems, anger, phobias
Days I can't step out of my home.  I'm unable to even go to work; church I mean.
I was sexual abused when I was a child....by a relative, never got help.
I miss my dad....we were very close.

I have a sixteen old child.
I carry everything on my shoulder....problems at church; Kids and adults come to me to talk.
Money problems, purchasing, fundraising, etc. at my church.
My child wants me to take care of her needs.
My house is a mess, but unable to clean.

I have Kaiser insurance.....I don't who to call ....eveyone there know's me
This is the first time  I'm taking about my life I'm ask for help for myself.  I wish I can go to health center and just don't have to deal with anyone here.
I also have a brother....when he has a problem, he calls on me.

But know I need help.....I no longer feel down most of the day....from scale 1 is low to 10 is high, my mood is around 2.

Everyone around me tells me.....to pray and just believe in him.  I do this, but I also need to talk.  I need to get away from here.  Please help me.

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

Yes you do need help and  the best help you can get is a good psychiatrist who will hear you out as well as give you medications.  The only thing standing in your way of doing that is the fact that everybody knows you but that should not be an obstacle since your treatment is a private affair between you and the doctor.  You should not let this false pride stand in your way of getting the help that you need.