I used to stare at people's genitals for about 11 years starting at age 10. One day my ex-boss told me to look at people in the eyes so I started to avoid looking at those areas. I just want to know why I did it. Can it be related to the fact that I was obsessed with sex and pornography at that time?
I am 100% straight. Strangely I did it to both men and women. (I'm a woman.)
How can I get rid of my guiltiness? Am I a complete idiot? Why did it take so long to get rid of it? How come I wasn't able to stop? Am I a sex addict?
If I have understood your situation correctly, you are worried about the guilt related to your habit, which you have been able to change. It took you so long to get rid of it probably because you never tried for that long. I suppose your ex-boss' advice helped you change the habit consciously. You might be correct about the obsession being the reason behind it. It could also have been a symptom of obsessive compulsive disorder. What you essentially did was prevent the compulsion (of staring) due to the obsession. A detailed clinical assessment is required to come to any conclusion as far as diagnosis is concerned.
The guilt you are carrying might be resulting from a few deep seated beliefs. I would suggest you consider psychotherapy for this part. Instead of wondering if this is some kind of an addiction, what'd help you more is to focus on how you can overcome the emotional disturbance due to the guilt. On the other hand, though, having guilt is sometimes beneficial, as it helps you avoid doing it again. It is the long lasting 'regret' that's more of a problem. Therapy can help you identify those beliefs and overcome the emotional disturbances.
There are a few reviews which suggest Asperger's Syndrome (and other conditions in the Autistic Spectrum Disorders) to be associated with obsessions. However, we are not sure how strong this association is. In such cases, it helps to check for other signs of either Asperger's or Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, so the management can be directed accordingly.
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