Suicidal

Although I have been suicidal before and have even slashed my wrist before, I have not had such continuous suicidal thoughts and intent as I have been feeling for about the last eight months, off and on.

When I feel like this, it is much worse than my common major depression.  It feels like the aching feeling I have as I am waking up after the death of a loved one, when I have had peace for a while and wake up to the realization that this is real and it hurts too bad to bear it.  I haven't had anyone die in the last 16 years, so it is not that.

Anymore, it seems when I feel bad, there doesn't seem to be a well-defined line between life and death, as though either one might be about the same.

Sometimes i think I am definitely capable and feel afraid, yet I don't know for sure.

Does any of this make sense??

How does one know exactly how strong their resolve is and to know when to seek help.  Today I am feeling a little better but my thoughts scare me and I am unsure what I will do.

Thank you for your help.

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

In your situation, there is no question about when to seek help. It should be today or as soon as possible. Consider this to be an emergency...nothing to trifle with or put off. Do it now.

If you do not have a psychiatrist to see, ask your doctor or your health plan for an emergency consultation.

[Ana]

Hello my name is Ana. I know how you feel. I have been there before . It is normal to morn someone who is dear to you and it is normal to feel depresed. I don't know what are you taking for your depresion. It's worry me to see that you have been depresed for eight mounths. I have been depresed in the past and I know it is not fun. I have been on and off in the past and its feel like you heart is going to colapse from the pain.

     I wounder if there was something that you wanted to express to the loved one that just moved on. Or there was something unresolved. If there is something try writing it down in a journal, learn to forgive yourself, and that is ok to feel sad. Get a suicide parner. someone that you feel confortable to talk when you feel depresed. if you are still suicidal please get to a safe place and don't be afraid to ask for help. You may be surprised to find that you are not alone. Ending your life is not a solution, I don't mean to sound intruding I tell you this from expirience, it does create more problems. I recall a time when I have atemted suicide and almost made it. My family descomposed. My mother became non-funtional. My sept-dad almost had an accident with my grand-mother in the car. Finace got worse and we almost lost the house and I got kit out of school. Do you see? It is not a solution.

     You can contact Catholic Hospise, they provide counseling for people who are gifving the lost of a love one. Get help. There are medication that can help with depression. Just in case you are taking medication and you depresion is still so chronic. there is a new teatment called vagus nerve stimulation. It is experimental but it has help a lot of people in your situation.

     I will be praying for you, and please do write back. remenber you are not alone. I give you my love and warmest regard. Take good care love. ana

[doggies]

Your comment was so sweet.  Thank you.

I haven't lost a loved one for over sixteen years.  I was just using that to explain the deep aching I have inside and the intensity with which I feel it.

I am on medication.  I am bipolar and I take an antidepressant and an antipsychotic.

Good luck to you, too.  You are very sweet to write and care.

[Ana]

Hello dear, I pray that you are find. I am also bipolar and sufer from a seizure disorder. I happend to be rapid cycling, not fun. I can't remenber the last time my moods where normal. Then again what is normal?  I am taking neurotin and depakote. Its helps, somewhat. I still get verry happy, and sometimes depress but most of the time I am mixed.

     Somethimes I lisen to some tapes that help me to get by. There is a tape that you might benefit from; its call Spititual Madness by Caroline Myss, PhD. There is a section on the tape that talks about depression and She even give you an advise regarding depresion. "Depression can be positive because it gives time the soul to mourn and to let go" she said. It makes me wounder if she ever been depress before, she does talk about the pain. another tape that I use is called Chakra Balancing by Stacey Dean and Gerald Jay Markoe. I does help my agitations.

     You may find this in a local libery or in Barnes and Noble bookstore. If you can't afore it here is my e-mail adress ***@**** or ***@****. I'll make a copy if you like. Take good care dear, I will keep you in my heart and in my prayers. love ana