WHY CAN'T I BE NORMAL?

I AM A SOLDIER IN THE MILITARY. BUT BEFORE I WAS I SOLDIER I ALWAYS HAD BAD ANGER SWINGS. NOW THAT I AM HERE IT HELPS SOME, BUT I HAVE TO COME HOME SOMDAY TO MY WIFE AND CHILDREN. I HAVE A THING WHEN PEOPLE STARE INTO MY EYES IT DRIVES ME CRAZY. I GET SO MAD FULL OF HATERED AND AGRESSION. WHAT I WANT TO KNOW WHY AM I LIKE THIS AND HOW CAN I OVERCOME IT BEFORE I LOOSE EVERYTHING I HAVE WORKED SO HARD TO BUILD. I NEED HELP TO FUNCTION IN THE REGULAR WORLD. I TRIED IT FIRST BUT IT WAS VERY SCARY. NOW I AM ALMOST HOME AGIN WITH A NEW BABY AND A 2 YEAR OLD. I DON'T WANT TO LOOSE THEM. I JUST WANT TO BE NORMAL, PLEASE HELP ME BEFORE IT IS TO LATE. I WANT TO KNOW WHY I CAN'T LOOK INTO SOMEONES EYES LIKE THEY LOOK INTO MINE.

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

I can only guess that when you looked into a parents eyes when you were young you saw neglect or unresponsiveness instead of warmth and acceptance, and that is what makes you so mad at times.  Ask the psychiatrist in your unit to help you get some good psychotherapy to work this out, and some medications to help that along.  Do both, not just one.  You have to learn to see  love when it is there and not be so governed by past memories which distort  your view of what is real now.

[gypsyking]

Don't consider yourself ABNORMAL and others NORMAL.  This is terrible for your self-esteem and will only seperate you from everyone else.  Then, once you feel seperated from everyone else you'll begin to feel jealousy...and jealousy can and WILL easily turn into hatred.  And if you cannot look at others, you probably can't look at yourself.  I had the same problem where I would look at someone and immediately hate them.  I realized later that I did this because I always felt people automatically hated me too.  But they dont.  Most people are good and kind and wish no harm on others.  There are two good ways to combat this:

1.  Look into a mirror.  I know it sounds ridiculous but it works.  Stare into your own eyes and DO NOT stop staring until you can feel at least somewhat happy.  Sometimes it took me an hour of staring but believe me it works.

2.  When you look at people, smile.  Even if all you feel is hatred and anger, just smile.  The act of smiling realeses certain chemicals throughout your body that trick the brain into thinking more positive thoughts.

Also, one of the most depressing things in the world is WAITING.  Perhaps you're waiting to go home and see your family?  If you think like this, you start living in the future...and the future is unpredictable and scary.  So do yourself a favor and start living in the NOW!  Enjoy the ride.  Look around you and start appreciating what you have right beside you now.  And remember remember remember!  You are not alone.  Best wishes!

[tmangeles]

I was a soldier once and i had the same problem...I was in the Infantry..I wiped a couple people out with total regret later..I became very physical and that caused allot people to want to challenge me...Luckily I didnt kill anyone...I came very close but it didnt happen..I planned to hurt people,but the only thing stopping me was the thought of prison and a few good people in my life..I have managed to keep myself under control..I do allot of hiding out,just so i wont  hurt anyone..Now I have an anxiety disorder and  I am on medication..I am also sticken with Hep c..
                            I think the doctor is right about where this came from..I came from a family just like he described..looking into someones eyes is personal...If I were you I would seek treatment and while you are on active duty keep record of this..It might help with a claim with the VA...As  you get older you dont want to be known for being loose canon...People will lose total respect for you..And they will fear you or they will challenge you...Think about where this will bring you..Prison,death or crippled or filled with regret..
If you want to talk alittle drop me a message..take care..

[giddychic]

Hey........I can not say that by experience I know how you feel......but I am sure you are not ab-normal.......Being a soldier, a father, a husband, a friend and anything in between can get hard at times.....stress, anxiety, low-self-esteem.....it affects people so differently......that I can vouch for......I have lots of insecurities, I get a lettle self conciense when people look at me and it at times worries me....but......I have found that talking.....or writing to people with the same type situations helps me......I see that I am not alone in this crazy.....world.....you sound like a very lucky person....you have a a family who loves you and a eager to see you......you are a soldier who not only loves his family...but loves his country........you are a lucky and gifted person.......remember that.......

giddychic!