Weak Mind

I am in my early 40's and have had on and off (mostly on) bouts of depression since childhood. Was somewhat mentally abused as a child.

I have had a history of keeping my mind focused on me and my feelings instead of focusing and concentrating outward and on others. I do not live in the moment and have a habit of obsessive thinking. My focus and concentration has always been weak. When I speak, I always struggle to get words out and I analyze every word that comes out. I don't enjoy conversations at all. Words just don't flow. This has been a life long thing for me. I am analytically intelligent who is a professional and fairly sucessful (very irritable when I work and try to focus). It's difficult to go thought to thought as well and I have always stayed away of public events because it is such a struggle to speak to people. I feel like my mind is always weak. On top of that, I feel sensations in my brain that scares me sometimes. Like streaks of electricity. What causes these sensations? I am not on any medications at all and refuse to be. I do see a therapist for self esteem issues.

Thanks