What is wrong

I have been diagnosed with obsessive compulsive and have had it for a long time I also have body dysmorphic disorder as well. I have been attending a support group for ocd but I feel and have always felt that there is something else wrong with me.I feel like I might have some kind of personality disorder but don't know what it is.I use things in my mind as symbols to control my personality. I feel like I have no self esteem or social skills so I symbolize things in my head as a way to have self esteem or social skills Kind of like it's not me who's confident or smart or funny it's the symbol, it's like I can't do it myself it has to be something outside of me that's doing it for me in regards to social situations. When I was younger I used to do it with the ocd, I had really low self esteem and fear of rejection and fear of succeding because I felt like I  wasn't good enough and I couldn't live up to others expectations so if I did something good or got a compliment from someone it couldn't be me who got the compliment or did good it was the ocd that made me get the compliment or did good, I used the ocd as a symbol in my mind that could do the things that I felt I wasn't capable of or was too afraid of. I've pretty much been doing it my whole life, if I read a self help book  and it helped me that would become my symbol of confidence but eventually I would obsess about it and feel like I was using it to control my personality so I would have to get rid of it and it would become contaminated, I would do it with other self help stuff but then the same thing would happen and they would become contaminated now it's getting to the point that everything is off limits because in my mind they've all become something I've used to control my personality.If I get rid of all the things I use as symbols or feel I might use as symbols I feel socially inept and empty like there's a void. No one else in my group seems to do this and no one I've met seems to understand it.

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

The core issue you are suffering from is low self esteem, but that is really not a good enough explanation.  Somewhere along the line of your personal development you got labeled as a damaged or incomplete person either by someone else, or by yourself doing it to yourself.  That created a self doubting personality. The only way to deconstruct that distortion about yourself is to go into therapy and discuss all of your self doubts and self labels in order to understand that they are fictions from the past rather than truths about who you are today.....it will take time, but it will work.