What's wrong with me

I am 25 years old and in need of a lot of help.  I've been on numerous anti-depressants for many years, currently Prozac weekly which was working until recently.  I've started having major mood swings, almost as if I wasn't on anything.  I cry all the time at nothing, my stomach is always upset, I can't eat anything it seems.  The other night I went to a party and out of nowhere I started crying hysterically.  When I left I went home with the full intent of "ending it all", but instead I just sliced up my arm a bit (a habit I had when I was younger) and then I could relax.  I feel I'm too old to be acting like this.  I also am just having a hard time accepting the fact that I am like this.  I'm always arguing with my friends and family, nobody wants to be around me anymore (I can't say I blame them).  I don't think before I do anything anymore.  I wish I could explain this better, but I don't even know what's going on myself.  Do I have a personality disorder?  I just wish I knew what was going on.  Please help me.

-K

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

What's happening is you are stuck between the childhood desires to be taken care of and loved no matter what you do or how you act, and the mature understanding that the world doesn't work that way. You are in a battle with reality.

The best thing for you to do is not just take medication and not to just focus on your depression, but to come to a much deeper understanding of yourself but talking with a competent therapist. Don't waste this precious opportunity to grow out of this personal stalemate.

You can get some free help by going to my masteringstress site(link above). try a free session.

[daniellegold]

Try to do a lot of physical activity--it often can do better then many antidepressants. Antidepressants themselves can cause depressive states, especially after prolonged use. Living on antidepressants makes you dependent on them: first, SSRIs are addictive, despite what many doctors can tell you; plus you loose the control over your life and your moods by living on medications.

[KA]

there are alot of people that have had bad experiences with meds...i for one have been on Prozac for 6 years and have not had any problems....you should talk to your doc maybe your dosage is too low, or maybe you should try Luvox....I still have my problems, the meds are not totally going to just make everything go away, you need a well trained and caring physician...

[christof]

Hey lady i have read your discription of being depressed but I have to say that In the past years i have been depressed also. It became a struggle to go to school, go out in public, even talk to people that ment nothing to me. I have learned that worring about what could be and what is. Is very important to keep sparated but How do you know what to separate well I would start by going deep down in your heart and forget all judgements and sopose too's. I have found that. I'm who I'am and i have the ability to change my life at any moment all I have to do is forget all judgements and be ME Thats all. Well now I have to say thats not as easy for me to accept. It's very hard to let go of what was once a dream or let say when your cold and there is no heat what do you do? Well I would find a place where i would like it could be a friend or neighbors house I would find warmth somewhere. Reality check PEOPLE MAY FEEL LIKE THEY WOULD LIKE TO LIVE SOMEONE ELSES LIFE BUT WHAT THEY DONT UNDERSTAND IS THAT THE STUFF THEY WORRY ABOUT THAT DOESN'T EVER HAPPEN. I try to live in the present and that way I'm less tempted to WANT! this cuts down on worry because I just do with now and not latter. Its easier as well! JUST be you and become who you want to be not what society says is right or wrong. HA who cares.ONLY you should.well sorry to cut this short but I have a long day tomarrow and i have to cathch up on some beauty sleep. (-: chris

[HUTCH02]

I can very much understand what you are saying.  I often ask myself the same question.  I feel as though I have no life and that I just basically exist.  I am sick of going to therapists which cost money and do not help.  I do not know what the solution is but if you find it please let me know.