Where should we turn - emotional, temper, argumentative, irrational

[octobrown]

my wife sometimes becomes emotional, irritable & it can quickly flame into a loss of temper. During this time she becomes very irrational and loses all sense of objectivity. It will sometimes end up in an emotional state where she's crying and inconsoloble.  These episodes are generally not triggered by some huge thing, but mostly stems from some little insignificant incident such as a misunderstanding or the way something was said. She has a part of her that's mistrusting or suspicious of others motives & often strikes back very defensively to any percieved "attack" on her (not liking the way something was said or what it implied) Once triggered, she seems to lose any ability to communicate rationally & i just have to wait it out until she becomes "sober" in judgement again. An episode usually happens every few weeks, sometimes can be more frequent. the worst part usually lasts a few hours and then she eases back to normal within a day. She always says that she's going to work on it, but inevitably it surfaces again when stress or other things create the right climate for it to explode.  At the time she always justifies the incidents as just being overwhelmed and stressed,  however, she has acknowledged her awareness of these issues at times...generally she just likes to sweep them under the rug, not talk about it and hope they'll just go away and not surface again. She is close to her family, but her home life history was in a climate among her parents was one of consistent mistrust, very argumentative and similar outburts of temper and irrationality. We don't know if this is something that's been apart of her cultural conditioning in that enviornment or if there could be some kind of chemical thing going on. Is she just moody, stressed, etc...we just don't know. If we were to see someone to try and figure out what's going on, should it be our primary dr?  specialist?  counselor?  we just don't know who to see or where to look for finding out wha'ts up.

[octobrown]

Thanks for the posts and input!

Paxiled, yes, she is telling the truth...stress certainly serves as a springboard. But this is much more than just a stressful outburst and yes, it's not a once of month PMS kind of thing.  When it happens and she loses her temper, she also loses seemingly any control over her emotions, rational thinking, etc...you absolutely cannot reason with her in that state -- it can be the simplest, most obvious point and it just will not get through. She is certainly not physically violent, but she does enter an area of rage where screaming insults, etc., things she doesn't believe and would never say, come out.  This is absolutely not a normal flare up of temper. Stress absolutely plays a role in triggering it, i'm sure, but it's much more than that.  And to clarify, my wife loves with her whole heart...she is one of the most compassionate and caring people I know...she doesn't have any drug, alchohol or addictive vices at all...she is an absolute wonderful person and when she has one of these outbursts it is competely out of her character.  She is aware of this.  She knows it's there and she hates what she becomes in those moments and that she feels like she has zero control over it once it crosses a line.  We've talked more since this last one and I believe she's willing to do whatever to try and find out what's up. Thanks again for you insights and feedback!

[Paxiled]

I'm an anxiety sufferer, and when things get overwhelming stuff just comes out.  It sounds like she is telling you the truth, she's stressed and it's spilling over.  Or else, it isn't happening every month, is it?  

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

there is no question about what you should do.  This should be sorted out by a psychotherapist.  Although some medication may be recommended it's much more important for her to learn about her own patterns of thinking and get to the source of her mistrust and misperceptions.  These kind of experiences are much more common than you would imagine and there are many ways to treat your wife.  

[Jaquta]

You could try your doctor but I think a psychiatrist would be a better bet.

Your wife sounds a little like me, from an emotional instability point of view.  (I have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder or bpd.)

A psych evaluation is a good place to start.  I would start with a psychiatrist.