a little follow up

Hi dear doctor.

You suggested me to see a psychologist. There're some things that I've become more or less convinced of over the years.

I've seen psychologist once. It confirmed my presumptions. I'm very intro, and retrospective as a person. She couldn't give me anything I didn't already know. And, I am taking paxil too. I asked about it cause I figured my condition is something beyond mere depression and anxiety. I still don't feel any major relief after rather long period of medication.
My concern is about a day when I was 19. I then felt my brainchemistry change dramatically in an instant as I was stripped of my selfconfidence completeley. Since then, no matter how much I've talked, thought and tried and struggled, the feelings remain the same. Difference is I've got perspective on it by now. Everyday I have to plan and struggle against intense feelings of guilt and deep embaressment, that I'm sure are not linked to a certain event alone. My brain feels like clay, mud, souer. Nothing makes sense emotionallywise. I read info about depression and anxiety, identify with all symptoms listed, but there's still more to it. I've experienced a few times what relief is like, though only for minutes or seconds. Could be after some dramatic news or anything that could possibly make me exited (and that's next to nothing) During exitement I regained selfconfidence for short. And thus realized all my negative thoughts + concerns are just consequences of lost self. I figured I need something dramatic to restore the brain. How about ETC? Pills seem to vague. Therapy maybe later

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

I still stick to my recommendation, and even stronger now.  Having seen someone once is not enough..therapy for what you have requires extended and consistent help. It will be the best thing you can do for yourself.

Regarding ect, I would not recommend it for what you describe. If anything, you might ask your doctor about other medications and  higher doses.  but medication and therapy is the best..you have shown yourself that during excitement, you can become whole again.  That is very important..and a good sign for psychotherapy success.