dealing with elderly parent

I believe my mother has histrionic borderline disorder. we are trying to provide her a safe and stable environment by placing her in a beautiful senior community as opposed to an assisted living community which she does not need. just as the senior place gets everything ready to go she cancels at the 11th hour. this has been 3 times. we are at a lost to help her  but she certainly needs the help. how does one help a parent who is not thinking intelligently?

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

This is a tough situation because, I am assuming, your mother is still legally in control of her own destiny and you don't have any official say in where she lives. That lives you only with the power of persuastion and exhortation back up obviously with love and concern for her welfare.

The best I can offer is some hope that insight for you might translate into a deeper way of reaching your mother's fears. It is very likely that she sees this move in a very negative way, as the beginning of the end of her life...as a move away from home to the land of strangers. She panics at the end because she hasn't resolved in her mind that this is a positive move to a beautiful place, and a place where she might have some new life.

If you can help her resolve this conflict, you might succeed.

Let me know if this helps.

[Susan]

This will sound odd but I believe elderly women respond better to males.
My mother in law was an emotional basketcase but wanted to stay at home drinking and going to bed at noon. She was doubling up on her meds; it was terrible.
Her son, my husband is a very gentle man but we drove up there and spent 3 nights with her to observe. Twice we had to call 911 for an ambulance due to severe anxiety attacks in the middle of the night.
He took her home from the hospital, left me at the house, and had a talk with her in the car. He told her she COULD NOT go on like this and that she HAD to go to assisted living right away. He's a big guy, firm but gentle and she agreed.Amazing, since she was always a very strong, assertive woman. Tiny, too. They came in the house, she grabbed her purse and he checked her into a lovely place owned by the Marriott. She is still there, on heavy meds in the nursing unit now.
My advice? Let one, just one intelligent, kind man have a long
talk with her firmly but gently and have him remind her of the very good reasons why she needs care. Good Luck, susan
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