drugs as escape

When I was young(7 or 8), I was sexually abused.  It was so painful to think about it that I convinced myself it hadn't happened.  It wasn't until recently that I've began to deal with it. I was a good kid.  Straight A student in high school.  IQ of 161.  Athletic.  Then I started to think about what had happened to me as a child.  I couldn't handle thinking about it.  I attempted suicide once but my friends saved me.  I started to get better, went off to college this past august.  I got drunk one night and had sex for the first time, but being drunk and a virgin, didn't think about protection.  I think I snapped somehow after realizing what I did.  I can feel that I'm not the same person I used to be.  To escape I started using drugs.  First alcohol, then pot.  I smoke pot as often as possible; usually once or twice a day.  I started taking vicodin about two months ago.  Then I started snorting them and using them in combination with either alcohol, pot, muscle relaxers, altrams, percosets, or darvocets.  Sometimes I take 3 or 4 of the above stated drugs at once...just to escape.  I've also started cutting and burning myself. I hate what I am doing. I hate that I might die from one stupid mistake I made while drunk.  I think I hate myself for making that mistake.  I don't want my parents to have to see me die, however it may happen.  At the same time though, I cant see myself living this way much longer.  I'm afraid to die, but at the same time see it as a possible escape. I don't know what to do and just need some advice or something on what to do.

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

There is only one thing to do, and that is, to get help from a psychiatrist or competent therapist. You should do that right away. You must come to understand why this is coming up now, what it means, and what you can do about it. You can not do this alone. This is very serious.  YOu should talk to your parents about a therapist or go to the counseling department of student health at your school.  In general, you would be better off with a private therapist because those at school may not be able to see you enough, or long enough, because of scarce resources. That depends entirely on you school.

One unprotected sexual experience does not mean a death sentence. There may be no physical consequences at all. See your doctor if you are still worried about this.

But, by all means, get therapy, and get it NOW.