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Most of my life I have had a normal sex life. During my early years I would get bored easy so I would cheat or go find a prostitute or watch a lot of porn. I am in my early 40's now (and in my 30's with other normal relationships) I have had a fear of getting/maintaining an erection. I currently do use viagra which helps however when I get an erection I seem to ejactulate very quick. I dont feel i really need the viagra since I can masterbate whenever I choose to. I believe it is some type of mental fear. I just want the normal sex life with out the fear of losing or even maintaining it. I know that when I get erect I want to get right into the act because it seems that the feeling of intercourse or oral on me helps maintain the erection. During fore play with my girl I seem to lose it and I need her to do whatever to get me erect and then go immediatly into the act. I feel bad for her cause it seems like I am not turned on by fore play or even when I preform oral on her. She is beautiful and I dont know why I have a fear. I feel as though I need to use the viagra because it gets me erected quick where as if I dont use it I feel that I may not get erected which I usually dont.
There are many reasons for this kind of an issue, and it is very common. In the end you may have to see a counselor to figure out your particular reason, but there are clues in what you describe that suggest that the intensity of your erection and sexual experience was more related to the "stranger sexuality" rather than to a deep personal connection with a loved one, which at this age, you may be struggling to learn how to do, and how to let yourself feel. The suggesiton by one of the commentators about talking to your girlfriend may be a good one in your case.
Hi, I'm not the doc but thought I'd weight in with some thoughts and questions. Your fear, did it start prior to this relationship or while you were with your current GF? Are you two close..better yet is this a serious relationship, maybe a relationship that has been more serious than others?
One of my thoughts was that perhaps your fear is linked to how serious this relationhsip is and your wanting so badly to please your GF and fearing you won't be able to.(as I said just a thought from what you've said above).
There can be many reasons that a man may have a hard time producing or maintaining an erection.
There are therapists that specialize in sexual dysfunction, which is basically any issue that has to do with that of a sexual nature.
But I was also thinking about your ability to talk to your GF about this issue? Have you mentioned this to her. Your fears? Does she know your taking Viagra?
Maybe(another random thought) if you feel you cannot confide in your GF but really care for her, your putting alot of pressure on yourself that she doesn't find out that you have this fear, use viagra or the like.
Maybe if you haven't confided in her, and feel that that may be something you can work yourself up to, it would take alot of pressure off yourself and you may feel more free to put the viagra to the side and just see what happens when your not putting yourself under so much pressure.
As I said, I'm not professional. And I'm also a woman so probably have a very different perspective than some men. But I know speaking as a woman, if someone I was in a relationship with(and it was even semi-serious) I would like him to confide in me, it would help me feel more able to confide in him and could even help to improve the relationship and help make you closer. BUT as I said, my prespective is female and of course another female may feel differently about what your going through.
But see what the expert has to say, especially as another male:)
I really hopr you can figure this out and things improve for you. I may not be a man but I can imagine the pressure you feel and that you put on yourself to please your GF and the fear of being embarassed if you cannot perform the way you think you should be able to.
I ment to say, I'm not the expert. I have alot of education in psychology and have worked in teh field for a decade..but am not here officially so the expert would know much more than I about what steps you may be able to take from this point:) I especially do not specialize in sexual dysfuction so these are just unofficial thoughts from what you've explained.
But I think I would defenitly say talking to your GF about your sex life...even of you don't directly confide in her about your fears and taking viagra may help some and you may be able to take some pressure off of yourself in that respect.
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