help me please

There have been a couple of times when I have taken drugs and/or alcohol and acted extremely werid. Sometimes I want to kill myself and other times I feel as though I am dying. The other night I felt as though i was paralised to the ground and I was suffercating. I'm only young and a bit worried about things I've done. I don't want to hurt anyone. Sometimes I get violent and feel like something is taking over my body. My grandmother had manic depression and my great, great grandmother had  schizophrenia. I'm too scared to addmit anything to a doctor, friends or family.
Please Help me

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

The best way I can help is to suggest that you seek private counseling, not with your doctor, but with a psychologist, or psychiatrist, or student counseling service, or community mental health center.  Its important.

[onlineinmn]

I think your best course of action is to stop taking drugs right away.  I also had extreme paranoia, difficulty breathing and a really bad state of mind when I once tried weed.  I haven't done it since.  Not that this is easy to do, if you can't stop drugs (and if your drinking is excessive) I really think you should seek professional help to do so.  For me, I drink often because of a deeper emotional problem I am trying to forget.  If you can get at the deeply rooted problem and come to a resolution, at least in your mind of what you should do about it perhaps it will be easier to cope and not solve your problem with drugs and alcohol.  Granted I am not a psycologist, but I have been on a journey emotionally for the last few years.  And I am not perfect by any means, I just came to a few realizations.  Talk to someone very close to you if you can but ultimately you will have to come to a decision about your deep rooted problem.  Sorry if any of this seems presumtuous, just trying to help.  :)

[Q2]

Lay off on the drugs/alcohol would be my advice as well.

I've done weed, shrooms and E and have *had* 'positive' experiences but I would classify myself as a light drug user.

That being said, I no longer use drugs (including weed) due to the following psychological effects I seem to be prone to:

-Paranoia
-Panic attack
-psychosis

An altered state of perception is where the danger is for me. For example, if I smoke a few bowls, lay down and try to relax I get the feeling that my heart is racing and my blood pressure is rising. Is this reality? Is my heart racing or has time slowed?  Is my blood pressure really rising?  I can't tell. I start thinking that I will have a heart attack which just intensifies the cycle. Panic sets in... Reality becomes defined by my mind, not my senses.

Don't wait for something bad to happen before you get help.
If you don't know where to go, try a hospital, they can get you pointed in the right direction.