how do i know i will make it through the rain?

I have been with my boyfriend for 12 years and living with him for 10. Through every problem we have I try and make things work, telling myself it doesn't matter what happened I truly still want to be here. He says he wish we could work things out but still talks to women he's had affairs with. I say I can accept everything but zi am obsessed with it all I even find the one girl number everytime she change it to let her know I know. He and I still live together and we say we aren't together but seem to know better. Our 12 year Anniversary was May 31,of this year and we both happened to by each other the same card. I am not getting my independance and self together it is like I am destined to stay in this **** even though in so many ways I don't want to be with him because of the pain but then I do want my relatoinship.

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

You have several options here. The goal is an important decision re your future.  You can either go to  couples counseling together to see if he will work with you to stop this pattern; or you can go to a counselor yourself to determine whether you want to stay in this relationship, and in particular work on your fears of being alone. Making a good decision now can save you years of misery.