mindflip

I was diagnosed adult ADHD last Feb.  Started College, and academics were going/are going better than ever could have imagined as reading/studying are now possible.

couple of weeks before the end of the semester I kept having these painful thought patterns.  like a influx of memories of academic failure despite effort...teachers telling me to try harder..embarrasment of never being able to study..having to guess the answers to all my final exams...always thinking i was going to fail everything..expecting to fail
when I get into one of these mindflooding episodes  my heart starts to pound faster and faster and it gets hard to breathe, like my chest is being puished down or something.  Its uncomfortable and stressful, and I feel like im losing my mind.  

i keep figeting. ive always been like this hence the H , but now i realize it less.dont notice im doing it untill i snap out of being locked in hyperfocus.  im so confused
I cant stop the same recurrent negative thought patterns. there getting harder to keep from my friends and family.  
what could be happening?
im bad at asking for help
should I bother?

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

You are experiencing the fear of success.  The medication has allowed you to harness your native ability, and you can see  it, but since you have not been using it before, and suffering the consequences, you have lived within a shell or role of being "not so smart", and now that is changing.  These voices are the part of you that is telling you that you can't change and enjoy your talents. It's a conversation you have to have with yourself...do you or do you not deserve success? if you need help with this conversation, talk to a school counselor.