narcissistic behaivor

[sadg]

Is narcissistic behavior a mental health problem.  An ex of a friend of mine fits the symptoms that the today show had on this morning about narcissistic men.  He is never wrong, nothing is his fault, takes no responsibility for hurting peoples feelings or who he hurts in the process if he is trying to hurt another person emotionally.  He is better than you, in anything. How do you deal with someone like this and is there help for people like this.  He is horrible to his ex, uses his children to hurt her and scares them in the process.  Speaks badly about her in front of them, knowing this affects the children, but he doesn't care, if he hurts her, then it doesn't matter if the children are hurt.  Better yet, it was her fault that he said the mean things.  Now he is telling the children they will be coming to live with him and this does upset the children.  I tell my friend to do to him what he does to her and she says she can't do it because it will only hurt the children and she does not want to put them through that and then she is no better than he is if they have to go back to court.  So please tell us, what is the best way to deal with someone like this.

[yonyon]

i have a narcissistic step daughter and step son the way i figured out how to handle the situation was to see their personality as blocks  in a stack. take one block down at a time, it,s unconfortable for them but to keep sane you have to do it this way. it,s almost like holding a person down  for a shot. not fun but the outcome well worth it, ask them what great thing,s they have done then ask for proof,ask them to describe ( with proof) in front of people their great invention or contribution to this world.uncover them in front of others if they try to play it off keep going stick to your gun's.tell them that you know how empty they are inside and how sad it must be. then they will have to look inside which they hate but it help's. denial will be their thing but that or being flat is their way of trying to throw you off,insist on talking about how you know them they don't like that because they think you are figuring them out which they hate that.alway's  take what they say with a grain of salt,never let them know anything too personel about yourself because they will try to use it against you,because they try to humiliate you when they get angry.especially when they think you have their number.

[sadg]

This is exactly how it is, no empathy at all, no conscience, he is never wrong. He is not physical, just mentally and emotionally abusive. So if you can't argue your point, then how do you protect the children from this behavior?  He uses them to hurt the mother, they are little ages 4 and 5.  How do you teach them that daddy should not act like this and talk to their mommy like this?  When they come home after a weekend with him, they are rude and mean.  Once home they settle in and are typical children, so is there a way to keep them from learning his behavior and becoming like him?  Thank you.

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

There is no good way to deal with people like this except to stay away from them.  When the behavior is as extreme as you describe, it's acting out an angry side of themselves that they are not willing to look at, so arguing with them always ends up in defeat and frustration because they refuse to lose, and distort what is being said. There is no common ground, and no empathy. They are sealed off.  That's what you have to keep in mind, so you can only stick to the behavior and avoid the conversation.