what do you do when my daughter won't talk to me for months

[brokenheart913]

My daughter is 22 years old. I love her with all my heart,  The first time she stoped talking to me was for two years,
It made me so sick, I had  high blood preasure and water formed around my heart I could hardly breath.  A friend went with me to talk to her and she promised she would never do this again to me.  

A couple months ago, she did it again over nothing. My blood preasure is high again and I'm having problems breathing .  Her boyfriend was sitting at my computer. Her and I  were sitting on my bed talking.  She said something mean and smart  to me and I raised my hand like I was going to slap her in the face, but I never touched her.    She jumped up and said to her boy friend lets go.  She left and he stayed 45 min longer and didn't understand why she did that to me.  He is still with her and I have tryed so many times to talk to her and I have gotten no were.  She told me before that she could go forever and not see me and it wouldn't bother her at all.  I cry every day and am so depressed with this .  I have only one daughter and my self am very warm and loving person help my heart and tell me what to do.  This same daughter has kicked me in the jaw and dislocated it. before,  

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

These are always difficult and complicated problems to solve. No simple answer. I suggest you seek counseling to explore all possible options even though you have tried everything, that may not be the case. As an alternative, you can address this problem at my problem solving site...myvirtualshrink.com, and take an inexpensive 3 day membership, and use the opportunity to make sure you have explored all options.

[Jaquta]

It sounds like your daughter has some deep-seated emotional issues.

Your daughter does not sound like someone who you should trust.
People have the potential to hurt others even when they love them/ care for them.

I wonder if your daughter felt bullied by the fact you had a support person (your friend) present.  ??
I know that some people are compliant and have good intentions to honor their promises but then over time fail to follow through.

I don't believe people should raise their hand to anything.  Not a child, not an adult and not an animal.
I believe it is best to set boundaries by having conversations followed up by actions or consequences (and perhaps further conversations).

Firstly, I think that you need to get your health under control.  I would suggest visiting your doctor to evaluate and treat your high blood pressure and to assess your breathing difficulties, etc.  I would also suggest asking the doctor for a short course of medication to help you with your stress and anxiety.

Secondly, I think it might be useful for you to discuss this with someone (possibly a psychotherapist).  I think that your daughter will always walk over you and hurt you until you stand up to her and say no.  I think that you need to establish strong boundaries.  I think until you do this she will not treat you with the respect you deserve.

I think your daughter has made a hurtful comment because she is hurting.

I expect this is a difficult time for both of you but I think that you each need to address your own issues.
Maybe family therapy has a role here too.  I'm not sure.

I think that you should work on yourself and leave the door open for your daughter.  I also don't think that you should accept abuse from her.  I think that continuing a relationship with the current ground rules would be detrimental to both of you.

My mother and I both have issues and have both hurt each other.  She has said that she doesn't care if I die.  I have refused contact with my family when in hospital for depression.
I think our relationship is better now but I think that until we do the work on ourselves it will never be strong.  I think too many things are left unsaid.

I know you're hurting right now but you can work through this -with or without your daughter.  Be strong, good luck and take care.