how to say no

Hi, I am 41 and have been on medication for depression and anxiety since a teen. Anxiety has gotten worse in last few years, depression to the point just existing in family, still extended family wants me to be the person to solve the problems and fix everything! I can not do it anymore. I am at a point I would rather not leave house, but that does not work either they come to my house (would be funny if not so sad) feel like a trapped mouse. How do you get people to see how much they are hurting you, when they seem not to care?

[arejaytee]

Hi, This is an old post, but it is so fresh to me. I've been 'helping' (maybe enabling) 'friends' financially a lot lately, so much so that they have come to depend on me. Life's circumstances have driven me to embrace my depression, but the 'friends' don't seem to notice.  They always come to me with a really desperate story about how bad their problem is and how much they need($) my help.  It's like they can't even see that i am a broken soul, and just listening to their problems is dreadful for me, but in conclusion, they want money that only I can give...so they say.  I'm at the point I don't even believe their stories are true.  I don't believe they see me, they only see an ATM.  I don't believe ANYONE sees me.

I So just want to leave everyone alone.  It's so hard to say 'no', but I'm trying to learn to do that.  I had a bit of success recently, when one of these people was in desperate need (so she said), and when I told her i could not help, she actually spoke ill of me, saying she used to think I was a nice guy but now....  I hung up the phone !  This was a difficult, but proud moment for me.

I guess, the first part of learning to say no, is like you mentioned.. "How do you get people to see how much they are hurting you, when they seem to not care?"  
Well, maybe the first part is realizing that you have the right to say no. You have the God given right to decide what you do with your life. If solving their problem does not coincide with your life's plans, then a true friend will accept that.  But when they prove to you that they do not care about you, saying "No" is more justified.  The people who are upset by this are probably people that need to learn to not come to your house if they only bring curses and no blessings.

Even though it's been half a year, and chances are you won't see this, I thank you for your post, and want to let you know that you are not alone with those feelings.  I thought I was all alone until I read your post, and I joined this site because of it.

I hope you are being strong and making progress.  Do not feel guilty for taking care of yourself - it is your right !!!   Thank you again for your post