6 year old son depressed says he want to kill himself. Please help.

[jenlimon]

Hi, I have a question about my son.  He seems to be very depressed.  He was just diagnosed with ADHD and is being treated with Concerta 27mg (he's on week 4) He was treated with Concerta 18mg but seemed to be very violent when he was on it so we upped his dose.  Now there isn't the violent aggression.

Lately, the summer camp staff have been telling me they are concerned with him.  Sometimes he chooses not to do activities and sits alone and then starts to cry.  They say he cries a lot over really small things. He talked to them a little bit and he thinks that his Mommy doesn't love him anymore because she is having another baby (I'm 32 weeks).  He also says that I'm mad at him because he has been having problems staying out of trouble. My son's father and I are not together and this baby has a different father.  My boyfriend has been spending a lot of time over and my son seems to like him, however, my son said he doesn't want the new baby to call Mr. Jesus (as he knows him) daddy because he doesn't have anyone to call daddy.  At home he seems normal.  Trouble sleeping but I thought it was from the meds.  He's also been trying to get my boyfriends attention a lot more and I think he does things for my boyfriend for "approval", if that's the right word.

When he gets into trouble at summer camp he tends to "flip" out once they tell him that they are going to tell his mom.  He goes into a fit and starts to throw and hit things.  He also says if you tell my mom I'm going to kill myself.  When I ask him he seems not to remember.  I'm wondering if this is blind rage or just him not wanting to tell me.

I'm not sure if it's because of the baby, the meds or if my baby boy is just depressed.  Not sure where to go from here.  Any help would be appreciated.

Thanks in advance.  

[JACEM5]

I also have a 6yr old son and we some some similar problems when we had our now 2yr old daughter.He did feel left out and felt he wouldn't be the baby anymore,he used a binky a lot more than we would have liked and misbehaved a lot more,threw fits.My wife and explained to him we loved him and will continue love him just the same,and he was her big brother and had to watch out for her and set good examples.We also included him in helping us with the little stuff changing,bathing,etc.We told him she dosen't know how to walk,talk,yet,etc,and could he help her along with those things.It did wonders he was like a new kid,he was very excited to feel needed.Now he dosen't leave her side,it is such a GREAT feeling seeing the 2 of them together.Hope this helps.

[MOSLEY]

Ok, keep in mind I know nearly next to nothing about ADHD medication (although I have two nephews on Ridilin?)  Anyway, doesn't it seem a bit odd that he was having that kind of reaction to the medication he was taking and instead of switching to a different medication they UPPed his current medication?  You probably asked the doc that...just seems weird to me.

[uphill7584]

Being a kid that grew up with a lot of depression and anxiety, in a household with parents as loving as you seem to be....I would suggest taking him to see a psycologist. Kids are smart...I am sure you know that. Allowing him to talk to someone that isn't a direct relative may open him up and help shed light on what is bothering. Maybe he even has some thoughts on what the solution could be. A child psychologist could be a great catalyst to help your son open up.

PS Good for you for trying to avoid ADHD medication. As a kid who took it for a while, it really can mess with your head. Good luck with everything. You sound like a really caring mom.

[jenlimon]

Thanks for your response.  Yes we are pretty certain that my son has ADHD he has been under evaluation since he was 4.  We've (Doctors,School, and I) have tried everything before resorting to medication.  My only fear was that he wouldn't be the same little boy, which is why I protested meds for so long.  Now it seems like all of this coupled together is making for a very sad little boy :(  

I keep hearing him say how he wishes he can be a baby again.  So I think that most of it is coming from me having another baby.  

I can't do much about his fathers involvement.  I live in Japan and he father is in California.  I think my efforts in that department are failing.  From day one I've always told my son about how much his father loves him and wishes he could be with him.  I sent my son cards and letters and presents, supposedly from his father, but I think he is catching on and realizes that his daddy just isn't there.  

I've been giving him extra attention, but I don't want it to come to a point where I feel like I can't even correct him if he's truly misbehaving.

Your right.  I'm going to mention this to his PCP (who is treating the ADHD) and see what advice she can offer.

Thanks again.  I hope he can return to my happy, outgoing little man again.  

[BS65]

This seems to be above the scope of my knowledge and probably a lot of other people on this site. Have you discussed this with a child psychologist or a psychotherapist? Also, who diagnosed him with ADHD and is it absolutely positive that he has this? I have seen so many cases of kids getting on ADD and ADHD medications just because they are rambunctious and active, which is normal. Sometimes this is due to their diet, i.e. eating things they are allergic to but don’t know it, having caffeinated drinks like pop and loading up on simple carbs which spikes insulin levels and can cause hyperactivity.

Also it is awful tough on a young child when his or her parents split or are not together at all. Especially if he is at school and other kids have two parents or have a dad they spend time with and the one that doesn’t wonders why he is different. It can be traumatic for a little guy.

But seriously, if your son is talking about killing himself and is having so much trouble dealing with not having a “dad” of his own I would get him into counseling after having his fully evaluated by a psychotherapist that specializes in child psychology.

My step-son went through a very difficult time when he was about 7 when my husband’s ex-wife filed for divorce and took up with the neighbor man. The boy went from a happy outgoing sweet natured boy to a quiet, sad, almost depressed state. His mother was very vindictive and tried to keep him away from his dad but she had no grounds for doing so and when a visitation schedule was finalized by the court my husband took every opportunity to “kill him with love” so to speak. He made sure that his son knew he was loved and that he was never going anywhere and he just worked and worked with him every chance he could. Eventually he returned to his normal self and is once again a very loving, sweet, happy, outgoing 12 year old now.