I am 63 and have been married 43 years to a verbally and emotionally abusive spouse. I have left numerous times and always let him talk me into coming back. We had no children together, just a grown son on his side. I am scared of being by myself because I have a rare blood disease for which I am being treated and doing well. However, that might change quickly - I am checked by my physician every 6 weeks. Do not suggest family involvement ---parents are deceased, have 2 siblings and only one lives anywhere close. However, they long ago "wrote me off" because I didn't have the ability to stay away. He's the typical very nice and sweet person until he goes into one of his moods and gets mean. Note: his mother and a grandmother had similiar behavior problems and he has 2 brothers and 3 nehews who all have this same type of abusive behavior. I attempted years ago to get him to see a physician and he always refuses.
I am on paxil for depression but still feel so unsettled about my situation. I just wish I could just disappear into thin air sometimes but the thought of being alone terrifies me. Any suggestions??