Am I there again?

[aitchy1]

I don't know what's going on.  I moved to another country 4 years ago and was a young, slim vivacious woman.  Now I'm not sure who I am and am really scared I'm depressed again.  I hated the meds and really don't want to go down that route.

I work at home, have no close neighbours and as a result am really quite lonely.  It's just my husband and I and I don't make friends the way he does.  I'm also hampered in that I'm from another country and have put on weight since I moved here which further erodes my self esteem and confidence.  

My husband seems less inclined to spend time with me, I feel fat and ugly though he never tells me that and there's a huge part of me that just wants to go home.  What upsets me more is that home isn't the home I remember anymore.  Everyone's moved on.  I'm really lonely and work from home so meeting people is really hard.  Any time I do, all they want to do is tell me about their dog's aunt that went to where I'm from once!  They aren't interested in me!

I know my thyroid is out of whack which doesn't help anything but even though I have an enlarged thyroid and low levels my Dr won't do anything saying it might get better on it's own.

I feel retched, not like me in the slightest and I don't know where to turn.  I'm being detrimental to my marriage which is the last thing I want and I really don't want to go back on antidepressants but I'm not sure what else to do.  I miss who I used to be, I miss feeling normal and not wishing for the day to end so I can go back to bed.  

Am I back where I was 10 years ago?  I hope but am in tears typing this so maybe I am.

I don't even know what I've written makes sense but if anyone has any advice I'd really appreciate it!

Thanks
H

[Jaquta]

It sounds like you're lonely and needing to feel connected.
Low thyroid function can cause one to feel lethargic, depressed and can lead to weight gain.  I hope I got that right.  You might need to research it.

It sounds like you could also use some stability right now.  Change, especially major change, can be extremely stressful.

I think the weight gain is probably due to emotional eating.

People need to be able to relate and to share their experiences.  Many can't do that without using themselves or their pets, etc as a reference.
Communicating across cultures can be difficult.  You may just need to persevere.

I've done that too.  Bawled my eyes out while typing.  I think sometimes it can bring a lot of those very raw emotions to the surface.  I think it can also show how desperate and needy we are.  Needy for love, affection, acceptance -whatever, it's different for everyone.

I don't think you are quite there yet.  I would be proactively trying to avoid going back there at all costs though.

How long was your doctor going to give you before doing anything?
Maybe addressing that could be a starting point??