Anticipating........Cutting

Dunno.... I recently started cutting again after....like.....last time I recollect is 2009. But this time, it felt like the people in my head were controlling my hands.... They went deeper and deeper....we saw the white, but after a little blood, they told me to seal it up with superglue....
I've been thinking of suicide so much. Even when I'm happy.....I think of ways to do it. I see oppertunities. Everywhere!!!! If not to die, just to stop things for a while.... When their gone, I'm so empty.... But anyways.... I like to make hem happy, their happy when they hurt me, I am too. So I miss them, I want to cut whenever I feel bad, but they'd find a new way to do things, just like they did before!!!! Somethings do hurt, like the chemicals, and something's hurt and feel so good, like the cutting any the razor masturbation....then chemicals. But, I just want more....
Anyways, um....I want help, I think, just don't know what kind, no, I just want to tell my therapist, to be honest, just like she said! But I don't think I want to stop.... Dunno what I'm asking here....any comment or advice????

[MarleeT]

Talk to your therapist about it. You have to. This is not healthy at all and can not being doing you any good! It may feel like a rush while you're doing it, but it's not good for you! In no way should you feel the need to self harm. If you need someone to talk to, I am here! Even though you say you do this even when you are happy, there must be something causing you to self harm. Please do stop <3 You are better than this and deserve to live on this planet. Do not even THINK of committing suicide.

[Pootagirl]

Ummmm.....sending a message to you....: /