Any advice?

[mamakiwi]

The past few months of my life have been horrible. I know that everyone has problems. I am sick of feeling so lonely. I have been married for over 10 years, I have 3 great children at home and 1 beautiful angel in heaven. Lately, my husband has been calling me rotten names and he vanishes whenever he feels like it. He hasn't spoken to me for a few days now though. I have a huge knot in my stomach and I am tired of crying. I don't have anyone close to me that I can talk with. I just can't stand being treated like dirt. He is only nice when we have company then goes right back to the name calling. He does work hard and even though I am a stay at home mom, I am working hard around here too. I don't know how much more I can take. I feel like there is something inside my mind and heart that is about to explode. I can't even talk with a therapist because I, like millions of others, don't have insurance. I really need help. I don't expect any kind of quick fix, just something to feel better about. Thank you.

[meniere135]

I know exactly how you feel.  My husband has been like that since day 1.  I am a stay-at-home mom also of three kids.  I work hard all day.  I'd rather have gone "to work" outside of the house.  When I worked, people patted you on the back and told you thanks and what a good job you did.  You had built in friends to talk with. Now I get no positive input...only negative.  It's all about him.  When he walks in the door at night, he wants us all to stop and say "oh you poor thing" etc.  He never helps me (unless he wants to send me a nasty nonverbal message like "You can't even be a good stay-at-home mother" - "you're good for nothing").  He always implies that he's the only one that works hard, it's HIS money, it's HIS insurance...etc.  It never ends.  I'm just the live-in maid that does everything (but to him....I don't do much at all).  He has no patience with the kids.  He doesn't really interact with them a whole lot.  They don't like to be left alone with him...he just finds fault with everybody all the time.  He's miserable and wants us all to be miserable with him.  He's taken away all my happiness.  I'm so stressed out all the time.  He picks fights when there is no fight to pick.  He's obsessed with money - it's mentioned in every sentence he speaks every day.  I don't spend money except on necessities.  He spends alot on himself.  I can't win.  I've been married for 20 years and he's still the same.  I don't blame him (I used to), but now I realize it's just the way he is and all the talking and behavior training in the world doesn't change it.  He is a mechanical engineer....attention to detail..he's great at work...they adore him...but he's unbearable at home.  I don't know how I've made it this far.  But here I am.  My kids are getting older now...they have hairloss problems (all three) ...runs in my husband's family.  I'm in the process of trying to help them...He doesn't help at all.  He gets angry with me for trying to find them help.  Go figure.  What a life!  I'm trying to pick myself up by the bootstraps and find some happiness in this mess.  Maybe your husband is more stressed at work and with three kids waiting for him at home.....well...he's not enjoying this time in his life.  There are two sides to every story.  Try talking with him calmly....without blame or disappointment in your voice.  See if you can get him to tell you what's really bothering him.  Too much work, not enough sex, too much kid crap, etc.  They have their take on things too.  We feel like throwing the kids in their arms when they get home from work and running away.  They feel like coming home and locking themselves in their bedroom or going out after work to avoid more work and problems.  Can't blame any of us....but we have to grow up and deal with it.  Keep trying.  It will never be easy....the kids do grow up eventually and give you room to breathe.  Hang in there

[turtlemama]

I am also a SAHM, my husband is not like that, though he can be a bit tough to deal with at times. I just wanted to say that you can talk to me if you want. We are strangers, but I know that lonely feeling you are talking about. Have you tried to get medicare? I don't really know how that all works, but it might be worth looking into if you havent already. Has your husband been this way for a while or has he just recently started doing this? It sounds like he holds some sort of resentment towards you for something he thinks you did.