Boyfriend cheated on me

[racheljt]

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years now. We were really happy at first, but I remember him saying he was always too sad to do anything, he didn't think he would amount to anything, and he always talked about how he thought I was going to be very happy marrying someone else. Then he broke up with me suddenly after a little more than a year. He was having problems with depression, but he still saw me as often as he could and talked to me on the phone every day, I even still let him have sex with me. After about 2 months of that, he asked me if we could be together again and I said yes. He didn't do anything wrong, all he said was that I was unmotivated (because I told him I didn't want to go to school), and that he thought he wasn't good enough for me. After that, we never broke up again and have been pretty happy together besides occasional, normal fighting.
Last month he started getting more depressed again. He told me he was starting to show up late for work and that his manager even talked to him about trying to perform better at work, and that she was concerned. I was concerned too, and tried to console him but he never really opened up to me. Then he started texting a lot, and when i would ask him who he was talking to he would get very upset about it and refuse to tell me. He told me it was just people from his work. Whenever I checked his phone (it has a password but I can see who left a message), it was always various girls' names. We started to stop having sex, and he started to see me less and stopped talking to me as much over the phone. I tried asking him what was wrong, if there was anything I could do, and he didn't say anything. I told him I wanted to know what was going on and he said he doesn't know, he said he didn't want to hurt me and that he doesn't want anything. Eventually I told him i was unhappy with the way he was neglecting and avoiding me, so I broke up with him. I asked him if he was seeing someone else and he said "I guess so." He admitted to cheating, even though I asked him three times during the time he had begun to avoid me if he was cheating on me and every time he would say no. I even asked before this, that if he got bored of me would he tell me? He said yes. I asked him, if he was interested in someone else would he tell me? He said yes again.
This really broke my heart. I started to call him  nasty names and went to his work and his home to beat him up and tell him how he hurt me. All he ever says is sorry. Then he told me, like the first time, that he can't be with me because I'm unmotivated. I think he is projecting his own problems onto me as I am not unmotivated. I work 2 jobs and go to school and he only works one job and didn't go to school this past semester. He doesn't know what he wants to major in and never wants to do anything. Then he told me that he had asked to live with me so many times and I would say no, which again is wrong, as I would always say yes. I told him that he's the one who never wanted to commit to me, every time I talked about moving together he would freak out. But since we've been together he always says he wants to marry me and live with me. It's been 5 days since I've seen him, and every day he says he wants to talk to me about it but I refuse to. I'm really hurt and I think seeing him would make me feel worse. Today he told me he got fired from his job and is planning on moving away (he doesn't have a lot of money) and he wants to talk to me before he leaves. What should I do?

[innerchild09]

You dont have to go talk to him if you dont feel like it. He hurt you so you had to do what is best for you. Now he wants to see you. Truth be told he needs to get his life straitened out. I think you are doing the right thing by avoiding him. If you were to see him you could feel hurt agian and right now you need to take care of you. I am sorry that you are dealing with this and are put on this spot. You deserve to be treated well. You dont have to feel obligated to see him.

[007Bunny]

Same here. I would just say never take him back. Been there, not worth it, waste of time. You can surely have a nice relationship with someone who will not play with you. All the best. X

[Bubulous]

I think that you are doing the right thing at this time by avoiding him.  I am not saying he is a bad guy bud he did do some harmful things to you and you have nothing to gain from talking to him again unless you are truly looking for closure.
You are showing your strength and it should feel good to do that.  Don't take a step back and let him into your life again.... at least not right now.  He needs to get his stuff together and you deserve better.  Take care of yourself and keep working.  You are doing a lot and I am proud of you for holding down two jobs and working at the same time.