Confused about breakup

[Vilest]

My fiancé recently broke off our relationship she suffers from depression and in November had work issues and was signed off then returned part time. She pursued me for months and also was the one who proposed, the doctor prescribed more anti depressants and she suddenly said we did not need to get married we were fine as were, then, she said that she wanted me to move out I knew she did not like living with people so I did and then she said she no longer loved me and we were not right for each other I feel like the meds/illness have caused this but she has said that she is so happy without me and shown no sadness at the demise of our relationship but I know from mutual friends that she is not really happy but she shuts people out of her life very easily should I give up and stop trying to be supportive or keep going and hope she comes round I know this sounds like a typical break up but our relationship was great until the depression started up any advice would be great as I am stressed out and miserable thanks

[Paxiled]

Never met a healthy human, emotion wise.  Otherwise we wouldn't act so horribly.  As for your notion that it's common to have emotional turmoil in teens and twenties, it's common to have emotional turmoil throughout life.  It is factually and scientifically true that most mental illness manifests in our late teens to late twenties.  That's not just garden variety emotional turmoil.  Everyone has that.  We wouldn't be on this forum if we just had that.  Now, for my part, it's time to stop hijacking this thread, so peace and out.

[allmymarbles]

You are only looking inward. It is common to suffer emotional turmoil of one sort or another in our late teens and early twenties. We only seem to become comfortable with ourselves somewhere in our late twenties, presuming we have the good fortune to get past the emotional hump.

You suggest that I am "practical," but I see it as "human." Like the rest of the animal kingdom, we are drawn to healthy mates.

[Paxiled]

I think you're very practical, but most emotional problems manifest themselves when we're in our late teens to late twenties.  Kinda means no relationships for us, practically speaking.  Guess you just hit a sensitive area to me, I did have some horrible relationship endings when I was at that age and it made everything worse for me, triggering deeper problems than I would have had otherwise.  On the other hand, it was a practical decision.  I guess life is just hard any way you slice it.

[allmymarbles]

No, that is not what I am saying. But there is a difference between caring for a loved one that you have shared your life with and who has developed problems (whether emotional or physical) and entering into a relationship that presents with problems from the outset.

As we age we all develop physical disabilities (and sometimes mental ones). We accept that this as part of the cycle of life and care for each other as best we can. But when we are young, full of zest and  joy, and looking to build careers and families, it is natural that such limitations would make the prospect of marriage less attractive.

[Paxiled]

Your problem is that you don't know why the relationship ended -- just because she changed her mind or because her illness is causing her to isolate herself.  I'd probably try to just accept what she did and if she changes her mind she'll let you know, but since you're going to have some grieving might as well get it over with now.  Breakups don't make any sense when there's no mental illness involved to the one being broken up with, let alone when there is.  It's harsh to say, but I'd try to move on unless she initiates something to explain it -- even people with depression can change their minds about a relationship.

[Paxiled]

Just wondering, but I've seen you respond like this before.  Are you saying that those of us with chronic mental problems should live isolated lives and avoid relationships?  Again, just wondering.  

[allmymarbles]

Does she have a history of emotional problems, or is this a one-time episode. If her condition is long-standing it does not bode well for a marriage. You might be miserable now, but think how it would be if you were permanently joined with her and think of what it would be like for children.