Crying and i can't stop

I feel like i am having a mental breakdown and I'm so sick of this place and everyone here. I feel like no matter what I do I'll never be good enough. I feel trapped in a house filled with ungrateful, selfish pigs. All i want to do is move away and get a fresh start from here and I can't. I feel if i stay here any longer i'm going to lose my mind! And the one person i thought I could rely one could careless about how i feel. I really need someone to talk to because i feel like I'm trapped in my thoughts and alone.=(

[mammo]

Tell us why you feel "stuck," why can't you leave?  We're here to talk and listen, so please explain what type of situation you are in.  Often people don't understand when one is depressed, it's difficult for those of us who have depression to always understand.  You can't worry about them and what they think, you need to do whatever is needed to get YOU well and in a better place.  Let us know more so we can help you.

[Rainbow_Ike]

You certainly are in the right place, because you are NOT have a nervous breakdown, but having severe depression. Having been there, I know there doesn't seem like a difference, but you see, having a diagnosis makes it easier to treat.

Have you seen a doctor?

Ike

who every once in awhile will shout while walking my dog late at night int he park"I want to leave this place! Actually - what i want o leave is a upsurge in my depression.

[bbaggins]

I know how you feel. I feel sometimes that if I "run away", it will make things better, but then realize I am only running away from my problems, and they will chase after me and catch up, and I'll just have to keep on running.

Best thing to do is talk to your doctor/psychiatrist to see if there's anything they can do for you.

[patient49]

You're doing better then you think. Keep yourself happy!

[bananabrain454]

First off, I want to Thank everyone so much for replying; it really means a lot to me for showing your support.

Secondly, I have thought about seeing a doctor but I'm annoyed with the fact that many doctor just want to drug you with anti-depressants. I really want to try and see psychiatrist but I don't know where to even begin my search on a good (But Cheap) one. =/ That is why I have turned to blogs like this but i just need something more on a deeper connection if you know what i mean. I would love to be able to see a psychiatrist, but dont know where to begin looking for one.

That being said....

I'm ashamed to say, that in the past I have thought hard and long about suicide (but have NEVER attempted it). I always refused to leave that way and only disgrace myself in such a way. I mean the last thing i wanted to do was prove them right (the ones that doubted me). In that way, I do believe I am a strong person. But mentally, there is only so much one can take and I feel with all this stress, worry, and hate I have building up inside me is def not good!. And i wish, everyday, that i didn't feel this way. I feel trapped because I lack the funds that I need to live on my own and hurt because the ones that I thought was family are my only source of pain. And it makes me cry to know that anyone would want to mentally, inflict that kind of pain on someone just to make themselves feel better.

My boyfriend and I have been going out for 5yrs now and we are just the best of friends. But I sometime feel guilty because I feel like my burdens have became his not to mention he has his own. But he always consistently reminds me that he's here through thick and thin. But i still cant help but to feel guilty for being his burden. And it hurts me even more because I feel useless and helpless. With being a full-time student and trying to maintain a steady, level head... it is very difficult to do with all the other things I have to worry about. I def feel like my grades are slowly suffering because of it. =/

Over all I'm Trying to stay happy, but it's def not easy know I'm just going to wake up in the exact same place every morning.

[Judy7469]

Hi Honey,

I sure could relate to how you are feeling, Helpless?.....Hopeless?
Just know, there are therapists in your area that will treat you based on your ability to pay.  Call clinics near you to find out how to get free or discounted treatment.
I once refused to take antidepressants because I thought I would be be drugged up.
I suffered mentally for many years, because of that decision.
Anxiety,  racing thoughts, obsessive thinking , uncontrollable crying, are all symptoms of depression.  You sound like a wonderful young woman who deserves to have a life
filled with laughter and contentment.
Please make an appointment with a therapist who has a psychiatrist on staff so you can be prescribed an antidepressant.  The new meds do not make you feel zonked out, but may increase your energy because that thousand pound weight has been removed from your shoulders.  Please, do this for yourself!

Let me know how you are doing........I wish you rainbows.