Danger to Myself and Others

[JosephCunnings]

I've been depressed for as long as I can remember. I've refused to take medications because I've always had a very keen mind and don't want anything artificial to affect my thinking. I'm very analytical, and have come to a point of severe nihilism and cynicism. I've also had a long history of anger and hatred toward everyone and I've always been quick to see people's faults. I've come to the point where I wonder if I should kill myself to keep from hurting or killing anyone. I've had extremely violent thoughts, and I am unsure as to how much longer I'll be able to prevent anything unfortunate from happening. I realize that I have diagnosable issues, but I am able to think extremely clearly and even to identify my problems. I no longer want to be happy, because I've come to think that happiness is just ignorance. I used to enjoy things like music, art, film, and romance, but it feels robotic to me now. Nothing seems to have any real point to it. I no longer want to be happy, but I wish that I wanted to be happy; I just can't seem to rationalize happiness. Is it possible that I've become so analytical and rationalistic that I can no longer enjoy anything?

[healthquest10]

I am an extremely analytical and keen thinking person. I was also afraid to take medication for my depression. But honestly, I realized after taking the leap that a large part of what I was dealing with was chemical. The medication just took the edge off of that imbalance. My mental processing has not been negatively effected. I started and finished my MA program on medication.

[mammo]

Yes!  I believe you have analyzed things to an extreme.  There are many with depression who are in high corporate positions with keen, bright minds and who think very clearly on medication.  Read what you are saying!  You don't want anything to interefere with your thinking, but your thinking is no longer rational!  I'm not getting down on you, but the rationalization of you needing medication/therapy is the most rational idea right now.  It's great that you realize you have a problem, but it doesn't matter how bright one is, depression is often something we cannot handle on our own.  This is why we have the specialists.  Depression can be causing much of what you are feeling now, especially in not wanting to be happy.  Depression robs us of everything, especially our happiness.  You've carried analyzing and rationalyzing to a point of obcession.  There are things that hapen to us as children that we have never dealt with or chose to try and forget.  It comes back demanding to be dealt with in the form of depression and/or anxiety.  A therapist can help you to find out what this is, deal with it and move on.  You have all this anger that also needs to be dealt with.  If you see a psychiatrist not only will your mind remain keen and rational, your quality of life will improve immensely!  Deep down inside I know you want to be happy, and live the happy fulfilling life you deserve, but depression has robbed you of this, and blinds you.  Therapy can teach you not to rationalize everything as well.  You have everything to gain and nothing to lose by seeking help. Don't throw your life away over this, fight for what you deserve, a happy and fulfilling life.  Trust me, I've been there and you will find happiness again, but you need to ask for help, some things are just too big for us to handle alone.  Stay with us for support and advice, we all care and do understand.  Take care...

[meg613]

just realise there is a huge difference between thoughts and actions and you don't know if you are capable of hurting someone.

[emakeast]

Do you realise you think this way because your mind has a chemical imbalance to it, if you drive a car and you put the wrong fuel in, and you have put diesel in it it is not going to work well if at all.  And this is what is happening to you.  The brain is one of the most complex organisms ever, so you can see why things might go wrong not every computer that leaves the factory is in perfect working order.  Not only that we are made up of thoudands of DNA.  Dna that has comefrom out parents an their parents and their parents.  We would go on and on and on.  SO for you to get help would be yourbest option, you may not trust every one as you can see their failings, but they know more about you in that subject and the failings you see are you own.  PLEASE get help. do your self a massive favour.  It is a cowards way out of this world.  DOnt be beat.