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Dealing with my depression and anger and children
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Dealing with my depression and anger and children

I am crying my heart out at the moment, I have 6 children 5 are very young the other one is 25 years old, but I am upset because of my daughter she is 10 years old going on 11 years, I do not want her turning out like me, no self esteem, low confidence, I love my children to bits.  But my daughter has no confidence she is also slow she has a statement against her name for extra help at school and she is coming on really good. She also wears glasses that she does not like, I keep telling her I love her and she is beautiful, my 25 years old son and my husband keep pulling her down only joking with her but they cannot see what they are doing I tell them to stop it.

But the reason I am so upset at the moment is she stayed at her so called friends house on Friday night, on Saturdays she came home and went to her room, I was told there was someone at the door and it was an emergency, it was her so called friends, one of them spoke down to me I could not believe it I asked how old she was she told me she was 11 years so I told her to act like it and get on with it, she ended up telling me that my daughter had soiled her self, she used a different word of course.  After they had left I started to asked my daughter how it had happened did she have diarrhea she said no, I kept asking her what had happened I started to worry I thought she might have a problem, in the ends she tells me her so called friend whose house she stayed at would not let her go to the toilet, when she told me I could not believe it I felt so angry, because I know this girl is a madam towards my daughter and she will enjoy telling every one at school,.
I asked my daughter why did she not come home she said I do not know, why just stand there and soil yourself.
I have gone round to the house but no one is in but I intend to go back and have a word.
My daughter needs more confidence and bringing out of herself, because if it was my son that was there he would have asked the parent or just gone and used it. I do not want my daughter pulled down all the time. What do I do? where do I go and get help my GP.
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Hi, Your post has touched me because I have been (still going) through a similar situation myself.  I have 4 children and it is my 3rd child, my daughter who is 11 that has been having problems with regard to being bullied.  My eldest child, my son of 14 also had learning difficulties and still struggles, so I can also empathise with you on that point.

With regard to the bullying - Firstly it is imperative that your husband and son stop their larking about, speak to them during a calm moment and just explain that although you and she know they are only joking it still hurts, it just reinforces the words that she hears from bullies and is chipping away at her self-confidence.  If you hear them begin to start teasing her a not so subtle cough to remind them.  Try not to get into an argument about it in front of your daughter as this in itself will make your daughter feel at fault. (I'm not suggesting that you are doing this, I am just trying to cover all areas).

The situation that occurred at the sleep over.  It is probably for the best that no-one was in when you first went round as this gives you a chance to calm down a little.  As I know to my own cost when you first hear that something horrid has been done to your own flesh and blood, all reason goes out the window and it is a recipe for one big blow up.  

I find the best way to approach other parents is to not directly accuse their child (all parents, especially mums will jump to defend mode).  Use the words "the other girls".  Explain that "the other girls" refused to let your daughter use the toilet resulting in an accident which has left your daughter very distressed".  Wait for the response to that.  If the parent/s of this girl react with calm and sense then also bring up the fact that "the girls" came round to the house in the morning and were very rude to you and didnt own up to their part in what happened.

...continued on next post due to character limit - sorry its so long


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Any decent parent will be shocked by their child acting like this girl and would assure you that they will be taking the matter very seriously.  However, you could be met with hositlity and a parent who refuses to believe that their child is capable of such things.  This is the situation I am in and it has been going on for 6 years (but it is getting better now they are at a new school).  If you are met with denial do your best to remain cool-headed and calm.  Say you are not impressed and that you will be discussing it with the school to ensure that there is no spill-over into the school arena.

Make good on this and ring the school in the morning to tell them what happened.  The school may try the old "it didn't happen here it is nothing to do with us", explain you are aware of that but you are concerned that this will spill over into school and that your daughter is going to made a laughing stock by this girl and others and that you are being a responsible parent by warning them about it.  It does depend on the type of head that you have.  If you are not happy with the way the school responds then put it in writing.  Anything in writing has to be kept on your child's file and that of the file of any child named in your letter.  The LEA has access to these files and will ask questions if the school has not followed up on it - this is a sure fire way to get the school to sit-up and take notice.  You may not have to go down this route - I hope you don't.

You are already doing the right things with your daughter by giving her praise and pointing out her good points - this will help her confidence.  Constantly remind her that you are there for her and this she does not have to accept that kind of abuse from others, that it is not her fault.  (Again you are probably already doing all these things).

It can be difficult to cope with the emotions of bullying with our own children especially if you have been a victim of bullying yourself.  Take big deep breaths and plan in advance what you need to say and practice it - may sound daft but it really worked for me.  Also talk to other parents to see if they have had problems with this girl - if so they should also speak to the school because as rliz has said, this girl is obviously very unhappy if she is doing this to others and the school have a duty of care to both her and your daughter.


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If you want to talk more about this or need further advice please do not hesitate to message me.  As I live in the UK I know the ins and outs of the LEA system and can offer more constructive advice if needed.

Wishing you good luck and all the best.  
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i feel so sad for you and your daughter. there are so many mean people out there.i understand your anger the same happened to my son the difference was 2 certain childre wrote all over the park walls that my son was gay. hes only 10.last sunday we were heading out for the day and filling up the boot of the car when i noticed they wrote the same thing in permanent marker on the spoiler of the boot.i felt so angry and hurt that i wanted to get these kids and throttle them.my partner calmed me down and we headed of for the day. i couldnt get the anger to leave me all day. i approached the parents but the children denied it. i know one of the parents grounded the young fellow but the other didnt bother doing anything.its got to the stage i dont want him playing out so we try to fill in his time by doing things with him. i dont know if this is the right thing to do. i hope you keep in touch with bulldozer i think from her post she will be a great help to you. good luck sandra
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