Dealing with things the wrong way

I am very depressed..theres no doubt about it.  One time about 2 years ago i had read about cutting and wondered what it would feel like...so i did it...and to my surprise it made me feel a lot better.  But not its like I cant stop...i want to..but half the time its all i think about.  Especially right now, theres no reason for it and today i have generally been in a good mood...i just want to soooo bad.  My friends have no idea i do it, but my boyfriend knows.  He hates it when i do it and i hate when he gets upset about it but i cant make myself stop.  I dont know exactly where my emotional pain comes from...so i dont know why cutting makes me feel so much better...i wish i could stop...but i wish i could stop without obsessivly thinking about it.  Has anyone ever been in my place? I dont know what to do about this...